GUEST COLUMN: “I Don’t Remember Punching My Side Piece” – State Sen. Troy Brown

Off the Wire

If you already read something like this written by me before, I apologize in advance. I may have written something like this and don’t remember writing it. I have trouble remembering things.

For instance, I don’t remember punching my side piece in New Orleans this past weekend. Or am I supposed to call her my “side friend”? I can’t remember.

Anyway, I do remember going down for the Bayou Classic. I do remember going there with a woman who is not my wife. Apparently, I did not remember I am married.

I do remember going back to the Hyatt Regency with the woman who isn’t my wife and getting into an altercation with some people. I don’t remember who they were.

They say I punched my girlfriend in the face. I don’t remember doing that. Did I mention that already? I don’t remember.

I sort of remember getting arrested by the NOPD and being charged with misdemeanor domestic abuse battery. I guess I didn’t remember I had proposed the creation of a domestic violence commission last year.

I also remember drinking alcohol that day. However, I don’t remember anyone saying, “Hey, Troy, you might want to slow down there,” or “Hey, man, where’s your wife?” Nor do I remember anyone asking me, “Hey, weren’t you in a car accident in 1991 that left you with some brain damage and memory lapses that might be exacerbated by alcohol consumption?”

I’m not saying that didn’t happen. I’m just saying that if it did, I don’t remember it. Just like I don’t remember punching my longtime girlfriend in her face. Wait, did I say that already? I don’t remember.

This could present some legal issues beyond the ones I’m facing for allegedly punching my side friend, which I don’t remember doing. I think I said that already. I don’t really remember.

Well, I certainly remember that car accident now. And I do remember drinking Saturday, which probably led to me not remembering some of the things I apparently did that night, like telling the police I live at 36518 Francine Circle South in Geismar.

I must have been totally out of it and gave them the address of my really nice house instead of my crappy little duplex at 5806 La. 308 in Napoleonville. Maybe I was trying to impress them. I don’t remember.

I do remember being re-elected in October to my Senate District 2 seat. I’m pretty confident about that. A few months before that, I also remember qualifying for the race and, in my qualifying papers, listing the Napoleonville address as my domicile. I remembered then that the duplex is actually in the district I represent.

Unfortunately, I must not have remembered that fact after I got arrested. I also must not have remembered that my nice house in Geismar is actually in Senate District 18. I’d tell you who the senator for that district is, but I don’t remember.

I really wish I would have remembered to tell the police that I actually live in my district, since this could present some legal issues beyond the ones I’m facing for allegedly punching my side friend, which I don’t remember doing. I think I said that already. I don’t really remember.

I also wish that when WWL asked my neighbor in Napoleonville about me, he wouldn’t have said that I don’t live in that duplex. I must not have remembered to tell him to keep his damn mouth shut.

By the way, if you happen to run across me and want to ask me about this correspondence, just remember: I probably won’t remember writing this.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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