Ascension Sheriff Vows to Protect Parish’s Trailer Parks, Meth Labs From Syrian Refugees

If Sheriff Jeff Wiley gets his way, citizens of Ascension Parish need not worry about Syrian refugees lowering trailer park property values or interfering with the parish’s prolific methamphetamine production.

Wiley said in an official Facebook post last week that he does not want Syrian refugees finding refuge in Ascension Parish until President Barack Obama’s administration can sufficiently reassure him that none of the refugees are terrorists who wish to inflict terror upon mobile home residents or disrupt Ascension’s illicit drug economy.

“Americans now know that Syrian refugees are being allowed into the United States,” Wiley wrote, “and indeed at least 13 are now in Louisiana being relocated through the Catholic Charities of New Orleans. Who are they? Where are they going? What trailer parks will they live in? What meth labs will they be around? Who knows?”

“While crystal meth labs are inherently at risk of exploding, the added threat of a terrorist attack certainly wouldn’t help.”

Wiley’s post came just days after the terrorist attacks in Paris, which he said prove the terror group ISIS is capable of striking highly visible targets like Ascension’s myriad gravel-paved trailer parks and volatile crystal meth production facilities.

“I have followed the Syrian horror story for months now and have seen the news videos and read the stories of atrocities,” Wiley stated. “I am genuinely concerned that ISIS will try to sneak a terrorist into the country, disguised as a Syrian refugee, with the intent of coming to Ascension Parish to blow up our mobile home parks. And while crystal meth labs are inherently at risk of exploding, the added threat of a terrorist attack certainly wouldn’t help.”

The five-term sheriff added he will demand to know everything about any Syrian refugees before they are relocated among Ascension’s trailer homes and meth labs.

“I am going on record as opposing any relocation of these Syrian refugees into Ascension Parish,” Wiley said, “until such time that I am made aware of who these ‘new residents’ are, where they will reside, what they will drive, where they will go, who they will meet with, where they will ‘pray.’ Because without such vital information, how will my deputies know who to harass?”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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