Trump Trading in Presidential Campaign for Younger, Hotter Campaign

Citing plateauing poll numbers and increasing boredom, Donald Trump is set to part ways with his current presidential campaign and replace it with a more youthful and attractive campaign, sources within the Trump camp indicate.

The billionaire real estate mogul has grown disinterested in his present political campaign, staffers say, and is looking to inject some excitement back into his push for the Republican presidential nomination by hooking up with a younger, more appealing campaign.

“Mr. Trump has grown discontent with what he sees as a stagnant relationship with his current campaign,” Trump’s Iowa Deputy State Director Ryan Keller explains. “The two of them hope to have an amicable parting of ways as Mr. Trump makes the transition into a relationship with his new, much younger, and much hotter campaign.”

Many speculate, based on Trump’s history of relationships, that the new campaign will likely hail from Eastern Europe.

Some political analysts suggest Trump first decided to split up with his campaign after noticing its sagging favorability ratings, which they believe he finds to be a huge turnoff.

As for the new campaign, little is known about it except that it is many decades younger than Trump and is drop-dead gorgeous. Many speculate, based on Trump’s history of relationships, that the new campaign will likely hail from Eastern Europe.

Keller added that while some supporters may be troubled by the breakup, and might even feel resentful of its vernal and stunningly beautiful replacement, he and the rest of Trump’s advisers are confident Trump’s supporters will eventually come to love the new campaign and not call it by its first name.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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