MANIFEST DESTINY: Jindal Misses Big Boy Debate, Does Piyush-ups

Gov. Bobby Jindal failed to make the cut for the prime-time Republican debate on Fox News last week, which means he was relegated to the kiddie table debate, along with the other bottom six GOP presidential candidates. Some folks called it the “happy hour” debate, but the only people drinking were, understandably, the ones watching it.

About the same time Fox News announced the lineups, Jindal’s super PAC released a pro-Jindal ad for Iowa markets to coincide with the debate in Cleveland. The spot titled “Earning It in Iowa” downplays the importance of the debate and boasts about how many town hall meetings Jindal has participated in in a state where he was not elected to govern.

The ad features a sound bite of a woman from Iowa. It may be the most honest statement ever made in the history of political commercials: “I believe Bobby Jindal is gonna become a Hawkeye if he sticks around here much longer.”

Truer words, sister. Truer words.

Gov. Jindal is … oops, sorry; Gov. Jindal’s super PAC is bragging about the very thing Louisianians have been bitching about for the past three years. Every time people complained about Jindal being an absentee governor spending all his time in Iowa and other early primary states, he and his team dismissed it as no big deal. Now that he no longer has to pretend to give a damn about Louisiana, Jindal’s super PAC is spending tens of thousands of dollars to literally make a big deal about the fact that he’s been practically living in Iowa.

“I believe Bobby Jindal is gonna become a Hawkeye if he sticks around here much longer.” Truer words, sister. Truer words.

The spot also features other Iowans singing Jindal’s praises and saying why they’re voting for him. These fine folks reinforce the age-old acronym I.O.W.A. (“Idiots Out Wandering Around”).

Additionally, Team Jindal used the ad to dismiss the importance of the Cleveland debate that their candidate failed qualify for. They said it wasn’t part of their strategy. You know, the kind of strategy that says national prime-time exposure to a record-breaking TV audience is bad because that time could be used to speak to nine people gathered at a VFW hall in Cedar Falls.

And while participating in a debate between the top-tier GOP hopefuls in front of 24 million TV viewers is something Jindal’s camp believes to be a waste of time, they apparently think having their candidate compete in an overtly staged and shamelessly cheesy pushup contest on Buzzfeed is a smart move. While the intent of the pushup skit was likely to make Jindal seem human, it ended up being more like a failed Turing test.

Moreover, Jindal’s pushups were almost as weak as his poll numbers but not quite as weak as the skit’s premise (a pushup contest against “taxes,” “hyphenated Americans,” “Obamacare,” and Jindal’s infamous “2010 State of the Union response”). While the video was undoubtedly intended to be humorous and go viral, it was widely panned as highly unfunny.

One person who probably thought the video was hilarious is Jindal’s longtime top political adviser Timmy Teepell. Sometimes referred to as “Bobby’s brain,” Teepell actually went to school to learn comedy. Sadly, he was home-schooled.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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