WAR FOR ST. GEORGE: Letters From the Field, Vol. XVII – “The War Is Over. For Now.”

Richard Aaron Taylor, St. George 2nd Infantry
7:00 a.m. Friday, July 17, 2015

Dearest Violet,

Richard Aaron TaylorIt would seem I and the rest of the men out here are coming home, but sadly, not for the reason we had so long and vehemently fought and prayed, my love.

After several devastating defeats, the leadership of St. George has decided to acquiesce, at least for the foreseeable future, in our struggle to liberate our beloved land from the grips of tyranny, wielded by the hands of our oppressors to the north in Baton Rouge.

As despondent as I feel right now, I imagine it is but a small fraction of the utter despair being experienced by Col. Lionel Rainey, who had been promised a promotion to general had we been able to fight our way onto the ballot. Perhaps he will get that promotion some day.

Until such day that our glorious vision is manifest, we will have to be content with abiding by another trio of R’s: Relent, recede, and regroup seems to be the order of the day.

In the meantime, there is talk that our leaders will charge forth with another effort in a couple of years, but perhaps with a smaller territory to liberate and defend. A leaner St. George without the deadweight that hindered our efforts, rumors say.

While the genesis of our fight was for our children and the upholding of the virtue of the three R’s — reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithmetic – it appears that until such day that our glorious vision is manifest, we will have to be content with abiding by another trio of R’s: Relent, recede, and regroup seems to be the order of the day.

There is, of course, a fourth R that the men and I are in the midst of fulfilling, and that is returning home. I sincerely hope I arrive there before this correspondence, which will serve as the final such letter, at least until such time we are called to arms again to unshackle our homeland from the bonds of subjection.

Your forever,
Richard

-30-

 

Nicholas Alexander Langlois, Baton Rouge 1st Infantry
12:30 a.m. Friday, July 17, 2015

Dearest Rebecca,

Nicholas-Alexander-LangloisThis is the letter I have been hoping and praying for the chance to write to you for the past two years.

The war with St. George is over, my dear! Glory be to Better Together, the rebellion has been quelled! At least for now, that is.

While the leaders of St. George have finally relented on the field, we must always be mindful that they separated themselves from us and our Baton Rouge brethren. Though the war may be over on the battlefield, I am most certainly assured that the war is still raging in the hearts and minds of many of the scalawags who launched and conducted this ill-fated campaign.

I am thrilled to be coming home, especially in time to enjoy another mediocre season of LSU football.

Even though we are laying down our arms, we must not lay down our guard against future hostilities. I fully expect our recent enemies to remain hostile to Baton Rouge in thought and demeanor, for they are far too proud to admit they were defeated. Rather, I am sure some will blame their leaders for deciding not to continue on with the hopeless and costly fight.

Nevertheless, I am thrilled to be coming home, especially in time to enjoy another mediocre season of LSU football. I am growing more and more turgid at the mere thought of being in your presence once again!

I certainly hope to see you before this correspondence does.

Love,
Nick

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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