GUEST COLUMN: Gay Marriage Destroyed My Miserable Marriage to a Hideous Bitch – Dean Theriot

Off the Wire

My marriage to my fugly beast of a wife is ruined, all because the Supreme Court ruled same-sex marriage is legal.

Barely 24 hours after the ruling was announced, that sorry excuse of a woman I’ve called my wife for 12 years told me she’s filing for a divorce. And it’s all because gays can get married now.

Oh sure, that atrocious-looking hag will claim it’s because she caught me getting blown by a 19-year-old behind a strip club here in St. Helena Parish, but I know damn well it’s the Supreme Court’s ruling that destroyed my vile marriage.

Besides, it’s not like that was the first time I got my dick sucked by some barely legal stripper with daddy issues. That’s been going on since before I got hitched to that hideous bushpig, but it took the old bag’s stupid ass this long to figure it out.

That atrocious-looking hag will claim it’s because she caught me getting blown by a 19-year-old behind a strip club here in St. Helena Parish, but I know damn well it’s the Supreme Court’s ruling that destroyed my vile marriage.

I mean, what did she expect? Even on the rare occasions when she did offer to blow me, my dick practically turned itself inside out and hid inside my body to get away from the sight of her rotten, jagged teeth. Seriously, when she smiles, it looks like a jack-o’-lantern that’s been hit with a brick.

Now she’s got a lawyer and is talking about getting custody of those three horrid kids she squeezed out of her mangled hooch. If she wants them, she can have those snot-nosed hellions. They look just like her, anyway.

You know, they said legalizing same-sex marriage would destroy the institution of marriage and the family unit. Turns out, they were right.

So thanks, Supreme Court. Thanks for destroying our sacred, insufferable union.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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