GUEST COLUMN: Don’t F.–King Blame Me for Teresa Buchanan’s Firing – F. King Alexander, LSU President, Chancellor

Off the Wire

OK, you whiney bitches, I get it.

You’re pissed as fuck we fired Teresa Buchanan as associate professor. Maybe you should be. But goddammit, what else were we supposed to do?

She was talking a lot of shit, using the word “pussy,” telling all these raunchy-ass jokes in class. You don’t do that. You just don’t fucking do that. And yes, I know we’re walking a thin line here with academic freedom and First Amendment rights of self-expression. But Jesus Christ on a stick, where does it end?

It’s not like I can holler out to my secretary, “Hey, bitch! Who the fuck am I meeting with now?” That would be just downright un-fucking-professional. I’ve got to be warm and sensitive. Save that kind of language for when she really fucks up on the job.

It’s not like I can holler out to my secretary, “Hey, bitch! Who the fuck am I meeting with now?” That would be just downright un-fucking-professional.

Now look, if I could go back and do it all over again with Ms. Buchanan, I might. I mean, we had the whole goddam faculty defending her. A shitload of her students have had nice things to say about her. And my office is coming under the worst kind of pressure you can imagine from every major academic instructor group in the entire fucking country.

But if you feel so passionate about free speech, where the fuck were you when that little bastard threatened to burn an American flag on campus a few years ago? Oh, yeah. That’s right. You were sucking each other’s dicks about patriotism. Thank God all those other little redneck students stopped him.

Well, guess what, assholes? You got what you want. This is a public institution. A pillar of free thought and free expression. But just don’t fucking do that shit on our goddam campus unless we say you can. And if you don’t fucking like it, you’re free to turn in those season tickets.

Fucking Shit,
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