The summer! The Summer!! The SUMMER!!
It’s already begun. Screw that whole astronomical fact that says summer starts three weeks into June. Forget the old commercial idea that it starts on Memorial Day weekend. These days, summer starts when it damn well pleases, and this year, it damn well pleased when the Avengers jumped out of their respective comic books, individual movies, and the shelf at toy stores everywhere to spread onto thousands of silver screens across North America and the world.
I shouldn’t be this excited. Different blockbusters have proven that you don’t have to release the maddeningly wonderful blunderbusses that are comic book movies, big sci-fi/fantasy flicks, and the films that epitomize the end of the motion picture spectrum that is loud, flashy, and full of the kind of vivacity that people associate with all things American. I’m not saying that they have to be overly patriotic and full of propaganda, but I like a good ’splosion-filled romp with people flying around and shooting laser beams out of their eyes.
This summer has already seen some doozies land in a theater near you, not least of which is the aforementioned Avengers: Age of Ultron. Mad Max: Fury Road has already rolled in, as well. That one surprised me. I expected it to be a two-hour car chase with more cars being wrecked and people being hurled about in uncomfortable ways. And it was that! Plus, it had a story about women taking control of their lives after being oppressed and treated like property. And I’m all for that! Especially when it doesn’t get in the way of my ’splosions.
I love women. I love ’splosions. This wasn’t a case of bait and switch, either, where you’d be led into the cinema with expectations of automotive carnage and preached to instead. It was more like bait and bait. Carnage and message. It didn’t come across as preachy, either.
But yeah. ’Splosions.
It had a story about women taking control of their lives after being oppressed and treated like property. And I’m all for that! Especially when it doesn’t get in the way of my ’splosions.
There are more explosions this summer, too. I mean, you have the Rock (Dwayne who? Oh, you mean THE ROCK! Because that’s who he is. That’ll always be who he is.) coming out with San Andreas, which I’m sure is based on some sound science and blah blah blah… ’SPLOSIONS! Buildings falling down! The seas boiling! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
There is also the dinosaur movie. Because dinosaurs are cool. Stegosauruses are cool. Pterodactyls are cool. TyrannosaurusRexes are cool.Velociraptors are the essence of coolness. You can picture a raptor in one of those Ryan Gosling pictures saying “Hey, girl…” Although, with the raptor, it’d be something less supportive/sexy and more along the lines of “Hey, girl. You like running? ’Cause I’d love to chase you sometime. And eat you.”
I think the marketing on that one would be a bit challenging.
There’s also Tomorrowland, which I’m sure has plenty of explosions but also killer robots and mysterious portals. Also, Clooney. He’s nice, I guess.
Ted 2 and Inside Out are both coming this summer. Both feature cute characters, but one has a real-life teddy bear who’s a bit more coarse than the one you cuddled with when you were 3. The Pixar flick is full of things that make it a Pixar flick. The only question is how far into it I’ll actually cry.
The name of the dinosaur movie is Jurassic World. I didn’t say that before.
But there are more juicy morsels in the mix, including more superheroes. There’s another Fantastic Four movie coming out, and this one has nothing to do with the universe created by the original 2005 movie co-starring Captain America as the Human Torch. I initially had low expectations, but I think, seeing a 7-foot guy made out of rock jump out of a plane sans parachute, I’m beginning to see the potential.
If you love the movies — the popcorn, the huge screens, the 12.1 surround sound, and the seats with cupholders — the summer has got to be your favorite time of year moviewise. Sure, you can get your art house jollies in the late fall with all the films seeking attention from Mr. Oscar, but when you want to see Tom Cruise grab a plane as it takes off or see the Hulk and Iron Man take apart a major metropolitan downtown area, it’s time for summer lovin’, babe. I’ve already bought my ticket.
One last thing: ’splosions!