MARCH MADNESS: Foxes vs. Jocks(es) – Day 3

Day 3 of our tournament features a B-list hottie, the “Cherry Pie” video chick, a guy who grew 5 inches as a high school sophomore, and an Aztec from the Desire housing project. (For Day 2’s results, click here.)

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FOXES: Susan Ward (5) vs. Bobbie Brown (12)
Striking Monroe native Susan Ward apparently never went through an ugly duckling stage. She moved to New York for a modeling career at the age of 13. She later became a soap opera actress and had bit parts in numerous TV shows like CSI and Friends, but she’s best known for her supporting role in the hit film Shallow Hal. Speaking of shallow, she’s our fifth seed not because of her stellar career, but simply because she’s hot.

She’ll be forever remembered as the star of the music video with the most overt dessert-themed sexual imagery in the history of music videos.

No. 12 seed and Baton Rouge native Bobbie (Jean) Brown won the 1987 Miss Teen Louisiana crown and was Miss Teen USA second runner-up that same year. A couple years later, she won the Star Search spokesperson competition a record 13 times. Soon, the Starkey Academy alum appeared in several rock music videos, including Great White’s “Once Bitten, Twice Shy.” However, she’ll be forever remembered as the star of the music video with the most overt dessert-themed sexual imagery in the history of music videos — Warrant’s “Cherry Pie.” After solidly reaffirming the popular pastry’s status as a euphemism for female genitalia, Brown married Warrant lead man Jani Lane. Sadly, he lost his taste for her “sweet cherry pie,” and the two divorced after only two years of marriage and probably lots of over-the-top, confection-themed nicknames for each other’s sex organs.

JOCKS(es): Bob Pettit (5) vs. Marshall Faulk (12)
Bob Pettit isn’t just a street where frat boys get arrested for public intoxication and drunk driving. The Basketball Hall of Famer was a hoops star at Baton Rouge High — where he led the team to its first state championship in over 20 years — and at LSU. As a Tiger, he became a three-time All-SEC player, a two-time All American, and averaged 27.8 points per game. The same year he was drafted by the NBA’s Milwaukee Hawks (1954), LSU retired Pettit’s No. 50 because he was that damn good. Pettit was an NBA All-Star every single season of his 11-year pro career. He was an NBA champion once, the NBA scoring champion and league MVP twice, and was named the NBA All-Star Game MVP four times, a feat matched only by Kobe Bryant. Not bad for a guy who was twice cut from his high school varsity team.

Bob Pettit isn’t just a street where frat boys get arrested for public intoxication and drunk driving.

The fifth-seeded Pettit’s opponent is No. 12 seed Marshall Faulk. A football star and track standout with blazing speed at Carver High School in New Orleans’ infamous 9th Ward, Faulk was highly recruited by big-time programs like LSU, Texas A&M, Miami, and Nebraska, but only as a defensive back. So Faulk became a record-setting running back for the only team that recruited him as one: the Aztecs of San Diego State, where he finished second in voting for the 1992 Heisman Trophy to Gino Torretta. (Yes. That Gino Torretta.) The Hall-of-Famer was drafted second overall in the 1994 NFL draft by the Indianapolis Colts and was traded to the St. Louis Rams in 1999. As a Ram, he became part of “The Greatest Show on Turf,” helped St. Louis win Super Bowl XXXIV, and was twice named league MVP. So, just imagine how many more accolades he’d have if he’d have played cornerback for the Aggies.

Ready. Set. VOTE! (Polls close nightly at 10 p.m. CDT.)

 

FYI: If you’re trying to figure out our brotastic competition, here’s an explanation.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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