WAR FOR ST. GEORGE: Letters From the Field, Vol. XI – “Subtract and Conquer”

Bradley Zachariah Caldwell, St. George 3rd Infantry
6:30 a.m. Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Dearest Wilhelmina,

Bradley-zachariah-caldwellI hope this correspondence finds you and your luscious derriere in good health. Oh, how I long to embrace both of you and find in your ample tush comfort from the myriad worries encumbering the men and myself at this time.

It appears that many of our valiant exploits over the last year are being annulled, not by an attacking force charging with muskets, but rather by a cadre of pen-wielding bureaucrats.

Our invaluable, hard-won petition signatures are being invalidated one by one in an impenetrable bunker housed in the bosom of the enemy’s territory. I am confident I need not remind you how crucial those signatories are to the cause of a St. George free from our suppressors to the north!

Forget about dividing and conquering. They are trying to defeat us by way of subtraction!

Word around camp says on the order of 13 percent of our signatures have been nullified thus far. How dare they declare 1,600 of our precious John Hancocks to be anything less than bona fide!

I mean not to burden you with this unsettling news, but it is troublesome to think what might happen if this continues. Forget about dividing and conquering. They are trying to defeat us by way of subtraction!

Some men are growing so desperate about the dwindling numbers there is even talk about conscripting those filthy Mexicans in Gardere. That is how much the seed of hopelessness has begun to take root among the men.

Please pray we are not reduced to that level of abasement, for what good is victory without honor?

Always Yours,
Brad

 

William Alan Hicks, Baton Rouge 2nd Cavalry
9:00 p.m. Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Dearest Charlotte,

William-alan-hicksI pray you and your awesome tits are faring well in my absence, which I believe shan’t last much longer.

My love, I am hopeful I shall be reunited with the three of you soon enough, for much like their petition signatures, the days of this rebellion by the scalawags of St. George seem to be both numbered and dwindling. Reports say large swaths of the sigils they have ceaselessly boasted about for so long are being obliterated by the registrar of voters.

Much like their petition signatures, the days of this rebellion by the scalawags of St. George seem to be both numbered and dwindling.

There’s even talk the count of their signatures may fall below the requisite amount needed to continue this insidious, seditious endeavor. Oh, how I wish to see those braggardly rogues be served their comeuppance, but not as much as I wish to bury my face between those fantastic tits of yours.

Stay safe, as I promise to do the same. 

All My Love,
Bill

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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WAR FOR ST. GEORGE: Letters From the Field, Vol. XVII – “The War Is Over. For Now.”

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