“Our” God Wins


Louisiana is experiencing serious financial problems. Or as President George H.W. Bush once said, “We’re in deep doo-doo.”

As a result, the state has curtailed the provisions of its health care system, first by closing the Earl K. Long charity hospital, and more recently by failing to live up to its promise to financially help keep Baton Rouge General’s Mid City emergency room open. As reported by The Red Shtick, Gov. Bobby Jindal has suggested that folks who no longer have access to health care should take better care of themselves so as not to require hospitalization.

LSU and other state colleges and universities also have been subjected to severe cuts, but even more drastic measures appear on the horizon. Higher education institutions have been told to prepare for $300 million to $400 million in reduced funding in the coming academic year.

In order to deal with this crisis — along with whatever additional problems the state is facing — Jindal recently held a prayer rally. The governor ended the meeting on a positive note, saying, “…on the last page, our God wins.”

After he finished his speech, the band played and a pastor placed his arm around Jindal. They swayed together to the music. I only wish I had a picture.

Starting next semester, all LSU students will be educated using home-schooling.

Surprisingly, other than our God winning, the state’s financial predicament hasn’t seemed to improve any. However, a spokesman for the administration said they haven’t ruled out sending money to Joel Osteen or one of the other televangelists who promise God wants you to prosper. They also have considered wishing on a star and/or scraping up whatever loose cash the state has and using it to play Mega Millions or Powerball.

However, Gov. Jindal claims he has found the solution to dealing with the problems faced in funding the state’s institutions of higher learning. Starting next semester, all LSU students will be educated using home-schooling. By eliminating all faculty and administrative personnel, the budgetary shortfall will be completely erased.

In addition, the administration has contacted Airbnb, which will be renting out the fraternity and sorority houses to folks visiting from out of town. Plus, a flea market will be held every weekend on the parade grounds. Jindal also has proposed leveling the Indian Mounds on campus as further proof that our God wins.

Jindal, who was not swaying to any music at the moment, said, “It’s a win-win situation.”

Some critics think that instead of closing hospitals and schools, Jindal might consider reinstating some of the taxes he slashed during his first term, which some naysayers are claiming is the root of the state’s financial woes. But the governor said he can’t because he promised Grover Norquist he would never-ever, ever raise taxes.

To the best of my knowledge, Norquist has never been elected to any office in Louisiana, or — for that matter — anywhere else. But a promise is a promise.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tom Curran

Tom Curran
Tom Curran is a recently transplanted Rhode Island Yankee who has chosen to live out his twilight years aggravating and annoying as many folks as possible. He is grateful to The Red Shtick for offering him a means to that end.

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