Overly Sensitive Cat Lover Becomes Overly Sensitive Over Internet Meme

Off the WireYou can say a lot about Kellie Singleton, but don’t call her lonely. The 38-year-old Ponchatoula native may be unmarried and child-free, but with 17 feline roommates, her heart and the 400-square-foot travel trailer she calls home is never empty.

Recently, while setting up her dating profile on Purrsonals, where cat lovers meet and greet (purrsonals.com), she was miffed to stumble upon a photo inferring that cat hair is “lonely people glitter.”

“How can I trust a cat lovers’ dating site to find a husband and adoptive father for my kitties if they think cat hair on everything you own makes you lonely?”

lonely people glitter“Of all the nerve! What kind of nonsense is this? What kind of site are these people trying to run? I have 17 best friends who love me, and every inch of my home is covered in cat fur, dander, and hairballs, and I have not had a lonely day in my life since 1983 when I first got Mr. Measles,” Singleton says. “How can I trust a cat lovers’ dating site to find a husband and adoptive father for my kitties if they think cat hair on everything you own makes you lonely? I demand an apology from the man who posted that offensive meme. Do you hear me, MR_scratchyjunk_69?”

RIP Mr. Measles, 1983-2004
RIP Mr. Measles, 1983-2004

“My kitties are in dire need of a positive male role model, and there simply are not enough cat enthusiast dating sites to be very choosy. I need this site, but I won’t stand for such ungentlemanly conduct. My kitties deserve better than that. They need a man they can look up to who isn’t afraid to apologize and admit when he is wrong. Just like when my cat Jingles took a dump on the coffee pot burner when it was still hot.”

Emails to MR_scratchyjunk_69 were not replied to as of press time.

About Ruby42

Ruby42
Ruby42 is an artist / poet / comedian / writer / pornographer / baker of boozy bacon cakes and thinks it sucks to be you.

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