“I don’t know … But I think this Ebola epidemic is a form of population control. Shit is getting crazy bruh,” noted anger manager Chris Brown posted via Twitter this week.
Hey, you know how the thousands of Lady Gaga fans are called “Little Monsters” and the thousands of Justin Bieber fans are called “Beliebers?” Do you know what a thousand Chris Brown fans are called? I’ll let you know when he gets that many.
Want to know the real reason Chris Brown thinks Ebola is a form of population control? Because he’s terrified of anything you can’t grab and bite on the face.
Want to know who told him how to spell “epidemic”? Me too!
In honor of Chris coming out as a celebrity truther, I present to you a list of reasons why singer Chris Brown is WORSE THAN EBOLA:
- Ebola had a much bigger role on The O.C.
- Ebola will gladly let you read his text messages.
- Ebola’s middle name is most certainly not Maurice.
- Ebola can get a work visa and can also freely fly across continents at no charge, essentially.
- Ebola eventually causes “No Air” rather than just singing about that life.
- Ebola currently sports ZERO neck tattoos.
- Ebola has yet to slapfight Frank Ocean over a parking space.
- Ebola doesn’t chunk glass in poor Tony Parker’s eye and then blame it on a handicapped man (Drake).
- Ebola scares people straight, so there’s no need for community service, forged or otherwise.
- Ebola gets kicked out of ERs, not rehabs.
- Ebola would never say, “I’m not into this gay shit, I’m into boxing!” before punching a complete stranger who just wants a photo.
- Ebola won’t eat just your face.
In conclusion, my friends, Ebola is the METALEST disease in existence. I say that as a true fan.
And Chris Brown? Well, he is tomorrow’s Being Bobby Brown. I say that as a real celebrity truther.