BACS Honorable Mention: Jana Pourciau – Amateur Law Clerk

Today, we recognize a local woman, not for her actual drunk-driving arrest, but for what she did later. Way, way, way later. Like 10 days later.

Jana-pourciau-glasses-selfieWe’ve heralded drunk drivers for their post-arrest behavior before, but never for actions that took place well over a week after their original arrests … until now.

It all started when state troopers arrested Maringouin resident Jana Pourciau shortly after she reportedly crashed her Lexus RX350 into the fence of a Pointe Coupee Parish elementary school and overturned her vehicle just before 11 p.m. on April 12. The 23-year-old was cited for first-offense DWI, careless operation of a vehicle, and not wearing a seat belt.

She doesn’t work for any court … except for the court of opinion on Facebook regarding her awesome tits.

Jana-Pourciau-boudoirThe injured Pourciau was then transported to Baton Rouge General Medical Center Mid-City, where medical personnel obtained a toxicology sample from the icy-blue-eyed selfie addict.

Fast-forward to April 22. That’s when Pourciau apparently succumbed to the toxins in her mascara and decided her best course of action would be to call the Louisiana State Police Crime Lab from her cell phone and attempt to trick technicians there into destroying the blood evidence procured at the hospital.

Jana-Pourciau-selfie-bikiniUsing a pseudonym, Maybelline O’Plenty reportedly told crime lab workers that she was an employee of the 18th Judicial District Court, and that the evidence could be destroyed “because the case had been dismissed and was not going to be prosecuted.”

Spoiler alert: Pourciau doesn’t work for the 18th Judicial District Court. In fact, she doesn’t work for any court … except for the court of opinion on Facebook regarding her awesome tits.

Jana-Pourciau-car-selfieApparently concerned that the lab employees might not take her phone call seriously, Pourciau then allegedly tried to make her directive seem extra official by sending them a follow-up email reasserting the need to destroy the blood sample. Unfortunately, she sent it from her personal email account.

State Police say it didn’t take long for crime lab employees to figure out it was all a ruse – partly because crime lab workers are typically pretty smart, and partly because no court employee would have “sexeeinkNspecs@gmail.com” as a work email address.

No court employee would have “sexeeinkNspecs@gmail.com” as a work email address.

Detectives soon after brought Pourciau in for questioning, during which she reportedly admitted to the fraudulent phone call and email. She was arrested Thursday and booked into East Baton Rouge Parish Prison. Pourciau now faces a charge of false impersonation, a felony charge of forgery, and the original charges stemming from her DWI arrest.

Jana-Pourciau-selfie-glasses2In addition to serving as a repository for her copious selfies, Pourciau’s Facebook profile also mentions she studied at Paul Mitchell Schools in Costa Mesa, CA, where they obviously did a piss-poor job teaching her to be a pretend law clerk.

However, it’s not hard to see why a hot chick with tattoos and glasses would think she could manipulate evidence. All those sexy, tatted, bespectacled nerd-esque chicks working in crime labs on TV shows make it look so easy.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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