Hey, remember that time you found out that guy you were dating had three other girlfriends? Or the time you were at dinner at some fancy restaurant and you got stuck holding the check because your date got arrested for punching a waiter? What about the time you were dating that guy and you found his stash of goat porn in the freezer?
Create a pig-themed menu and some pork-inspired cocktails to make the whole night one big, fat, vent-eat-and-drink-out-your-feelings “pigstravaganza.”
We all have these stories. Someone you really liked, dated, married, or just enjoyed screwing turns out to be a real pig. Instead of slashing their tires for sleeping with your best friend, poisoning their food for emptying your bank account, and/or setting their face on fire for giving you HPV, there is now a nonviolent way to get your aggression out and have fun doing so.
It’s called Pig Board, and it is a new game by Snout a Pig, LLC. Similar in design to pin the tail on the donkey, the game encourages players to post and caption photos of the pigs in your life, while telling stories of all the awful pig crap they did to you. The game comes with a cute pig-shaped board that you hang on the wall, 20 pig snout push pins (too stinking cute), a packet of captioned stickers (some blank stickers are included for personalized captions), and a first-place blue ribbon, which is rewarded to the biggest pig of the night.
Have a friend who was recently dumped by some loser? Did your divorce just become finalized? Throw a pig-themed party and invite some friends over. You can create a pig-themed menu and some pork-inspired cocktails to make the whole night one big, fat, vent-eat-and-drink-out-your-feelings “pigstravaganza.” There are loads of party ideas on the company website snoutapig.com, where the game retails for $19.95.
This would be a killer excuse to finally buy a bottle of Bakon Vodka, not to mention a case or three of applewood smoked maple bacon. (I drool as I write this.) It would also be a great excuse for me to whip up one of my Chocolate Coronary Explosion cakes, which contain five different kinds of chocolate and are topped with fudge and candied maple bacon. Coincidentally, I’ve been told several times that it should be served with a shot of insulin, which is mass produced for diabetics via pig pancreases.
This would be a killer excuse to finally buy a bottle of Bakon Vodka.
The game certainly comes with instructions, but I don’t really think you need them at all. It comes with a perfect setup, and with a little bit of imagination, this game could be played a thousand different ways. I could even see the pig board itself hanging as a permanent fixture on any sorority house wall. All you really need to have fun and play is yourself and a few good friends. Oh, and an assortment of assholes to cross your path so that you gain experience and some wicked stories.
For example, the time that one guy got up and walked out on me (without one single word to me) as I was TALKING over drinks. Or the time I was dumped by a guy because he felt guilty about cheating on his PREGNANT girlfriend with me, who didn’t know he even had a girlfriend. Or the time that one guy and I got into a fight DURING sex because he was being a complete jerk DURING SEX!