MARCH MADNESS: Crooked vs. Cooked – Day 8

Day 7 Results: Gil Dozier (7) defeated Sherman Bernard (10) with 69.2% of the vote. Oysters Bienville (7) beat shrimp creole (10) with 61.5%. 

We wrap up the first round of our 2014 March Madness tournament with matchups featuring the Silver Zipper, the Grand Wizard, mudbugs, and a sandwich that shares a moniker with female pubic hair.

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CROOKED: Edwin Edwards (2) vs. David Duke (15)
Our Crooked pairing is a rematch of the 1991 Louisiana gubernatorial runoff election. The only things missing are the bumper stickers urging you to “Vote for the crook” and Dan Aykroyd begging Arsenio Hall’s audience to do the same. The two competitors don’t need much of an introduction.

Since winning his record fourth term as governor in that 1991 race, No. 2 seed Edwin Edwards was convicted of numerous counts of corruption, served nearly a decade in federal prison, divorced his young wife, published a biography, got remarried to an even younger woman, fathered a child, and is now running for Congress as an 86-year-old convicted felon.

Duke also spent 15 months in prison after pleading guilty to tax fraud in 2002. Good thing for him there aren’t any black people in jail.

Meanwhile, since losing to Edwards in 1991, the 15th-seeded former congressman and former grand wizard of the KKK David Duke has said lots of crazy shit, had some crazy plastic surgery, and become BFFs with fellow Holocaust denier and former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. In addition to spending time in Iran, Duke also spent 15 months in prison after pleading guilty to tax fraud in 2002. Good thing for him there aren’t any black people in jail.

COOKED: Boiled Crawfish (2) vs. Muffaletta (15)
The No. 2 seed in the Cooked category is a springtime favorite throughout South Louisiana, especially for outdoor gatherings. What self-respecting Cajun’s mouth doesn’t water at the thought of sucking heads and pinching tails, especially this time of year? Right now, people around here are keeping a closer eye on crawfish prices than the situation in Crimea.

Fifteenth-seeded (actually, it has a lot more sesame seeds than that) muffaletta is a true New Orleans original that was created by a Sicilian for Sicilians at Central Grocery on Decatur Street in the French Quarter. Owner Salvatore Lupo started making muffs for the Sicilian farmers who would come in for lunch while selling their produce at the nearby market. Since many of them regularly bought ham, salami, cheese, olive salad, and bread – and awkwardly ate those items separately from their laps – Lupo started making sandwiches with the same ingredients on muffaletta loafs. Soon, farmers started coming in for lunch merely asking for “muffalettas,” which are now sold in quarter-, half-, and full-size.

A lot of crawfish eaters may be head suckers, but what’s more Italian than a man sticking a big ol’ salami in a muff?

Ready. Set. VOTE! (Polls close nightly at 10 p.m. CDT.)

 

FYI: If you’re trying to make sense of this graft vs. grub competition, here’s an explanation.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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