Fred Phelps Sr., R.I.P.: An Obituary (NSFW)

All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster; the bastard is dead.

“Pastor” Fred Phelps Sr. has shuffled off this mortal coil and is proverbial worm food.* Dead, dead, dead, rotting corpsy dead. Hallelujah. No one worth a damn will miss him.

Think I am a callous bitch for saying this? Then it’s entirely possible you may be completely oblivious to who this jackass was.

My only regret in writing this is that I couldn’t write it 20 or 30 years ago.

Point blank, Phelps was an asshole. I could leave it at that, really. However, what makes him one of the biggest assholes this planet has ever seen is that in 1955 he founded what is known as Westboro Baptist Church. Fred using the words “Baptist” and “Church” was obviously his way of insulting every good Baptist person and every respectable church known to man.

Not familiar with them? Well, they are the Topeka, KS, “church” that has declared that “God Hates Fags.” They stand by this hate-mongering so much that they have made godhatesfags.com the official web address for their church.

So what, you ask? Freedom of speech and all that jazz, right? Let them hate who they want, right? Well, the hatred they have spewed over the years doesn’t end there by a long shot.

fred phelps

Fred has led his followers (40 official church members at last count, most of whom are family members, I would guess inbred) to protest the funerals of countless people and has caused immeasurable anguish to the loved ones of the deceased. Soldiers, people who have died of AIDS, Princess Diana (for her work with AIDS patients and her friendship with the LGBT community), Nelson Mandela, and even a local appliance store that sold Swedish vacuum cleaners (just Google that one). In 1984, Phelps sued Ronald Reagan, who was at the time PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, for violation of separation of church and state.

Hell, he’s even declared a war on nerds by protesting Comic-Con.

godhatesnerds
Romans 9:13 = As it is written, “Jacob I have loved, but Esau I have hated.” What the hell did Booger ever do to Fred Phelps?

Westboro Baptist also threatened to protest the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims’ funerals. Let me repeat that just in case you missed the words you just read. They threatened to protest the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims’ funerals. The funerals of 20 children and 6 adults senselessly slaughtered at the hands of a madman. Threatening to protest the funerals of kindergartners and the adults who lost their lives trying to protect them from pure evil? I can’t even articulate how that makes me feel, and that alone speaks volumes.

Other websites that Westboro Baptist runs include the following:

  • Anti-Catholic vitriol: priestsrapeboys.com.
  • Basically, this site states that Muhammad was nothing but a pedophile, hence the following direct quote: “Anyone who worships him (Muhammad) is worshiping a pedophile”: godhatesislam.com.
  • No hate left behind, this site includes a list of countries you can click on to see why God hates them: godhatestheworld.com. The majority of these are sex-/pervert-/homosexually based offenses (surprise, surprise), but I guess even some countries are relatively perv free. Take Brunei, for example:

God Hates Brunei. Brunei is a small, oil-rich sultanate on the north coast of the island of Borneo who has more money than sense, and whose inhabitants have no hope of heaven.  It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. (Mr. 10:25) With Islam as their official religion, they are on the fast track to hell.”

vice president cletus
“Hey, Brandine, pack my evening britches. We’s going to Brunei!”
  • And one of my personal favorites: godhatesthemedia.com. Mostly because I am the media when it comes to writing for Red Shtick, and the list of celebrities on this webpage makes me feel stepfamous to be included in the giant lump of them all.

Don’t mistake any of this ignorance for stupidity, either. In 1964, Fred Phelps earned a law degree from Washburn University in Topeka. The law firm that he founded was said to have provided a full one-third of the state’s civil rights cases. Fred was even given awards by the NAACP for his work on behalf of African-American clients.

Of course, this occurred before he was disbarred from practicing law in the state of Kansas after attempting to sue one Carolene Brady, a female court reporter, in 1977 after she failed to present him with documents for a case on time. Not only did he attempt to sue her for $22,000, but he cross-examined her on the stand for a week, reducing her to tears in the courtroom … all the while attempting to subpoena her ex-boyfriends to testify she was a slut. All eight men he attempted to bring in to testify later stated on record that Phelps never contacted them at all, and all stated they had no reason to testify in the first place against Brady.

What does that say about how you chose to live your life when the KKK thinks you’re a piece of shit and they are right?

No matter how you slice that, it will always come out vindictive, cruel, petty, and mean. This sums up the life of Fred Phelps Sr. in a nutshell. Vindictive, obsessive, petty, cruel, mean, hateful, the list goes on. All this from a “man of God.” More than 80 years spent on this Earth making other people’s lives miserable and passing on hate for other generations of Phelps children and grandchildren to perpetuate in his absence.

So, if you came here to read one woman’s lament of how we must rise above the vitriol and hatred spread by Fred Phelps and his family and embrace the virtues of tolerance and forgiveness, then you, my friend, clicked on the wrong damn article. Fuck Fred Phelps. Fuck everything he ever stood for. Fuck anyone who ever stood by his side and never came to their senses and repented. Fuck his parents for bringing him into this world. Hell, fuck whoever fucked him up so bad that he spent his life obsessing about how homosexuals were/are the enemy.

I stand as a person who lives by the idea that it is wrong to wish ill on another human being. I stand by that. I also stand by the idea of being an atheist/agnostic. I also pause when it comes to a man like this and say, “I hope hell exists only for people like him. I hope Hitler and John Wayne Gacy and a big old flaming homo Satan are butt-fucking the Bible verses out of this piece of human garbage.”

My only regret in writing this is that I couldn’t write it 20 or 30 years ago and can’t include color photos of this son of a bitch suffering and writhing in complete agony until he died or include photos of myself pissing in his open casket.

Sound too extreme?

Well, remember those 20 children in Sandy Hook and the six adults who tried to save them.

Remember Matthew Shepard.

Remember the 19 firefighters who lost their lives fighting a deadly Arizona wildfire.

Remember the soldiers who fought for the freedom that sadly allows these assholes to make already grieving families and communities even more miserable in their darkest hours.

R.I.P., motherfucker. Rot In Putrescence.

Sure, most of the time they threatened to show up, they chickened out. While you’re remembering that, also remember all of the people who stood against these assholes. 300 bikers showed up to form human shields against these monsters in Prescott, AZ. The KKK showed up at Arlington National Cemetery as the WBC protested with signs that read “Pray for more dead soldiers” and “God hates your prayers.” The damn KKK showed up. What does that say about how you chose to live your life when the KKK thinks you’re a piece of shit and they are right? It says to me that you had a lot of potential to do good in this life and you chose hate.

You. Chose. Hate.

R.I.P., motherfucker. Rot In Putrescence.

Oh, and Fred … since you loved signs so damn much, here’s one last one for you:

even jesus hates fred phelps

*I hope no worms are subjected to eating his putrid flesh.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Ruby42

Ruby42 is an artist / poet / comedian / writer / pornographer / baker of boozy bacon cakes and thinks it sucks to be you.

Check Also

Theatre Baton Rouge Slays Audience With “She Kills Monsters”

Knick Moore reviews Theatre Baton Rouge's production of the story of Agnes Evans trying to connect with her recently deceased sister Tilly via a custom D&D module she left behind.