Five Recipes to Liven Up (or Down) Your Super Bowl Party

Throwing a party for today’s big game? Why not make it a memorable one? Or better yet, why not set the appropriate party atmosphere and see to it your guests barely remember anything at all, just like all those chronically concussed NFL players you’ll be watching?

You’ll be the hero come halftime with these exciting sugary snacks. Your guests will need them to get through Bruno Mars.

Here are some recipes guaranteed to ensure your Super Bowl party will be talked about for years … that is, the parts people can recall.


Codeine Balls

jamarcus-russellWhether you call it sizzurp or purple drank, codeine is the drink of choice of many former NFL players, especially first-round draft busts from LSU. Codeine balls are the perfect appetizer to get people in the mood to watch football and the back of their eyelids.


Xanax Poppers

This promises to be one of the closest contests in Super Bowl history, which means your gambling addict friends may be a bit on edge for most of the night. Serve them a few of these if you care about the well-being of your furniture and pets.


Jack-lambert-teethMeth Bisque

Chilly temperatures call for warm comfort food, and nothing will get your guests nice and toasted like methamphetamine. And since most meth fans have choppers reminiscent of Pittsburgh Steelers great Jack Lambert, a bisque ensures there’s a minimal amount of chewing involved.


Cocaine Cookies

bruno-mars-super-bowl-halftimeAnybody can serve marijuana brownies at their Super Bowl party, like the entire states of Colorado and Washington. But you’ll be the hero come halftime with these exciting sugary snacks. Your guests will need them to get through Bruno Mars.


Ambien Flambe

Why not cap off the night with the potential for smoke damage and sleepwalking? This delectable is sure to both light you up and knock you out, just like a strong safety across the middle.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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