BACS Honorable Mention: Jessica “Sugar” Kiper

Blood-Alcohol-Championship-Series

Oftentimes, when people hit the big time and get a taste of stardom, they forget where they came from. But not our BACS honorable mention Jessica Michelle Kiper, better known as “Sugar” from the hit show Survivor.

Kiper came back to her hometown of Baton Rouge to get shitfaced and allegedly plow into the back of a stopped vehicle.

It would’ve been easy for the reality TV star to get drunk on overpriced Hollywood vodka at some fancy Hollywood party in the Hollywood hills, then get behind the wheel of an expensive Hollywood car and crash into some other poor schmuck’s Hollywood car, but she didn’t. Kiper came back to her hometown of Baton Rouge to get shitfaced and allegedly plow into the back of a stopped vehicle, specifically on Government Street, right in front of Baton Rouge High School, around 1 a.m. Saturday.

Jessica "Sugar" Kiper on Survivor in her trademark leopard-print bikini, which some lucky eBay buyer has in his possession.
Jessica “Sugar” Kiper on Survivor in her trademark leopard-print bikini, which some lucky eBay buyer has in his possession.

Kiper first became reality-show famous – which is like the most awesome kind of famous there is – in 2008 when the pinup model and her mostly trusty leopard-print bikini were runners-up on Survivor: Gabon. Three seasons later, in 2010, she was a contestant on Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains. In 2011, she had reached “celebrity” status and appeared on Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew.

Yet, despite her overwhelming fame as a reality star and her marginal fame as a TV actress (who can forget Kiper’s riveting performance as Cami Teagan in the 2011 “Big Rock Mesa” episode of Law & Order: LA?), Sugar still believes in bringing her boozin’ and cruisin’ talents back to her hometown. Just like her colorist, Sugar hasn’t forgotten her roots.

Moreover, the 34-year-old is totally grounded and constantly stays in touch with her fans via social media, even when she’s being hauled off to jail, which is why she posted to her Instagram account a selfie she took in the back of a BRPD cruiser after her arrest on charges of DWI, failure to maintain control of a vehicle, and reckless operation.

Just like her colorist, Sugar hasn’t forgotten her roots.

Unlike a lot of people who try to insulate themselves from public scrutiny by disabling or deleting their social media accounts following an arrest, Kiper let the world know in real time what was really happening to her in real life with a photo of her sad-looking duck face partially obscured by her severely humidity-laden locks. She puts the “real” in “reality star.”

EBR Parish Prison must have one hell of a staff beautician.
EBR Parish Prison must have one hell of a staff beautician.

And how did she manage to take that selfie en route to being booked into East Baton Rouge Parish Prison? Perhaps Sugar sweet-talked her arresting officer into letting her ride to jail sans handcuffs and avec cell phone.

As for how her hair managed to go from wet and flat on her face in the back of the cop car to dried and fluffed only minutes later at parish prison, maybe Kiper’s one phone call was to her stylist instead of her lawyer.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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