BACS Honorable Mention: Jamie Ingrassia

Blood-Alcohol-Championship-Series

Teachers have a thankless job putting up with all your little brats. Even if your little “angels” attend a Christian school, they can often make educators lose their religion.

Slurring one’s words apparently doesn’t qualify as speaking in tongues.

That’s probably why Ascension Christian High School teacher Jamie Ingrassia showed up for class Monday morning after drinking what we can only assume were quite a few Irish coffees. Like a good Christian school teacher, Ingrassia was full of the Holy Spirit – and likely several more – when school administrators reportedly sent her home before 9 a.m. Slurring one’s words apparently doesn’t qualify as speaking in tongues.

The 36-year-old instructor was arrested later in the morning at Municipal Park in Gonzales after hitting another vehicle at the intersection of Highway 30 and Highway 44. After they eventually caught up to her at the park, police reported, Ingrassia seemed impaired, and they gave her a Breathalyzer test, which showed her blood-alcohol content to be 0.285 percent.

Jesus Drunk-ass Christ! Forget all those healing revivals! At more than three-and-a-half times the legal limit for driving, it’s a miracle Ingrassia was able to stand up!

She was booked into the Ascension Parish Detention Center on charges of careless operation of a vehicle, felony hit and run, and 2nd-offense DWI. Her previous DWI was in St. James Parish in June, which means we can presume she was teaching summer school to more of your little “angels” at the time.

The good Christian folks at Household of Faith believed Jesus would take the wheel and guide her home safely.

As for why school administrators let her drive home in such a condition, perhaps the good Christian folks at Household of Faith, the church for ACHS, believed Jesus would take the wheel and guide her home safely.

It’s like that poem Footprints in the Sand. Where there’s only one set of staggering footprints along the beach, that is where God was carrying your inebriated ass home.

UPDATE: According to an Ascension Christian High School press release, the school terminated Ingrassia’s employment Tuesday morning. The press release also said Principal Brett Shelton sent Ingrassia home after noticing she was upset about something. He said he did not see any signs Ingrassia was intoxicated, noting she didn’t slur her words, lose her balance, and he didn’t smell any alcohol while talking to her … despite the fact that she blew a 0.285 just moments later. This gives new meaning to the term “blind faith.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

Check Also

BACS Honorable Mention: Thomas Shepherd

Despite being three times over the legal limit for driving, Thomas Shepherd's gin-soaked brain managed to command his body to get away on foot after crashing into another car.