Area Pot User: “Gateway Drug My Ass”

Off the Wire

Derek Harrington, a 12-year resident of Tyson’s Trailer Park in Central, issued a strong rebuke of what he claimed is the myth that smoking marijuana leads to other drug use.

“I’ve taken a shitload of drugs over the years, and it had nothing to do with me smoking dope.”

“Gateway drug my ass,” Harrington reported during a drum circle that formed spontaneously in his backyard last week. “I’ve taken a shitload of drugs over the years, and it had nothing to do with me smoking dope.”

Harrington said his previous drug use includes hashish, barbiturates, cocaine, Darvocet, Mad Dog 20/20, codeine cough syrup, whip-its, his mother’s estrogen pills, and some skanky-ass crystal meth he tried in South Padre Island, Texas, one time.

He concluded his announcement by saying he is perfectly content with pot-smoking and that he “almost never” over-imbibes, at least not anymore or in recent years.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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