Tis the Season to Be Merry

TRS_CurranEventsAs the song goes, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” and what better place to find that out than among the shoppers seeking happiness on Black Friday, which contrary to a common misconception has nothing to do with African-Americans.

In keeping with the spirit of the season, he merely wounded him in the leg so as not to seriously injure him.

In Las Vegas, which strangely never has been the setting for a Currier & Ives greeting card, a thief, in a wonderful display of glad tidings, fired a warning shot rather than simply shooting his victim, who was hurrying home with the traditional large-screen television he had just purchased. As the thief tried to load the television into his vehicle, the victim attempted to reclaim it, at which point the thief, who felt he had sufficiently demonstrated good cheer, shot him, although once again in keeping with the spirit of the season, he merely wounded him in the leg so as not to seriously injure him.

Chicago-kohls-black-fridayMeanwhile, in Chicago, as early shoppers began to arrive at a Kohl’s store, a policeman shot a shoplifter who was attempting to drive away. Another officer had chased the fleeing suspect and was caught partially inside the car and dragged quite some distance. Both the driver and the dragged officer were taken to a hospital with minor injuries. Three people were arrested, none of whom could be mistaken for wise men.

At a Wal-Mart parking lot in Rialto, CA, three people looking forward to celebrating the birth of Baby Jesus but unfortunately not having a holly jolly holiday got into a fight because people were cutting in line.

grinch_walmartA man in Claypool Hill, WV, was slashed to the bone with a knife after threatening another man with a gun in an argument over a Wal-Mart parking space, which makes one wonder how they would have reacted upon learning there was no room at the inn.

The shopper was forced to surrender the Fuhu nabi Jr. that he earlier had grabbed from the clutches of another shopper after wrestling the 7-year-old girl and her grandmother to the ground.

In New Jersey, where by all accounts, no angels were heard on high or for that matter anywhere else, a Wal-Mart shopper was charged with aggravated assault on a police officer after getting into an argument with the store manager over a television. The shopper was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest and was forced to surrender the Fuhu nabi Jr. that he earlier had grabbed from the clutches of another shopper after wrestling the 7-year-old girl and her grandmother to the ground.

In related news, Wal-Mart President and CEO Bill Simon, who is no relation to the singing chipmunk, told “Today” that the company had “a terrific night” Thursday and expected a busy Black Friday, too. Simon went on to say that the company was so pleased with the evening’s success that it planned to share some of that with its employees by offering an extra bathroom break on Christmas Day.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tom Curran

Tom Curran
Tom Curran is a recently transplanted Rhode Island Yankee who has chosen to live out his twilight years aggravating and annoying as many folks as possible. He is grateful to The Red Shtick for offering him a means to that end.

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