Lewd Women Shamelessly Expose Their Big, Red Boxes

In what some might call a disturbing trend, an increasing number of women from the capital region are salaciously showing off their large, bright-red boxes.

Trophy wives, working MILFs, quasi-cougars, and even frisky grandmas are routinely and publicly displaying their huge, flaming red boxes for all the world – including small children – to see.

Trophy wives, working MILFs, quasi-cougars, and even frisky grandmas are routinely and publicly displaying their huge, flaming red boxes.

The craze apparently started a few years ago as part of Lee Michaels Fine Jewelry’s advertising campaign featuring print ads and billboards depicting smiling women using their hands to reveal their sizable, stunningly red boxes adorned with black bows.

Though the campaign slogan “Every box has a story” seems better suited for an OB-GYN clinic, the obscene obsession with whipping out one’s substantial, scarlet box appears to have spread beyond risqué display ads and into one of Baton Rouge’s most popular fundraisers.

Members of The Junior League of Baton Rouge’s steering committee for this year’s Hollydays annual shopping event were recently spotted in The Advocate flashing their expansive, crimson boxes.

While you might expect religious leaders to bemoan the increasing dearth in modesty among Baton Rouge’s privileged female population, the greatest outcry is actually coming from the area’s perverts, such as registered sex offender Robert McGlynn, of Brusly.

“When I heard there were a bunch of women at the RiverCenter showing off their boxes, I ran three red lights trying to get downtown,” McGlynn said. “Man, was I disappointed.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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