GUEST COLUMN: It’s Pronounced “Koonts” – Abe Kuntz

Off the WireOK, people. For the last time, my last name is pronounced “koonts.”

My family name is not pronounced like the slang term for multiple female genitalia or a group of insufferably combative women.

I know it’s spelled with a U instead of a pair of O’s like author Dean Koontz’s name, but trust me. It’s pronounced “koonts.”

Do you really think Harry Kuntz would’ve ascended to the Canadian Parliament if his name was pronounced that way?

It’s German, for Pete’s sake. It means “bold advisor,” and I strongly advise you stop obscenely mispronouncing it.

I swear to God, the next smart aleck who defames my family’s name by calling us a bunch of C-words, I’ll make sure it’s the last time he’s able to pronounce anything, because I’m going to bash his freaking skull in.

RustyKuntzAnd if by chance you really do think Kuntz rhymes with punts, you’re a complete moron. Do you really think Harry Kuntz would’ve ascended to the Canadian Parliament if his name was pronounced that way?

Or what about retired major leaguer and former first base coach Russell “Rusty” Kuntz? The P.A. announcer would be summarily fired for saying his name like that.

But don’t take my word for it. Just listen to how PronounceNames.com says how “Kuntz” is properly articulated.

I just hope that one day my son Isidore Christopher can fulfill his dream of becoming an OB-GYN without people snickering that his name is I.C. Kuntz.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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