Scientist Names New STD After R&B Performer

A researcher at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases has named a newly discovered venereal disease after recording artist and songwriter Rihanna.

Jamie Farraday said he was listening to Rihanna’s hit song “What’s My Name” on his iPod when he came across the new sexually transmitted disease.

“It seemed like a no-brainer,” Farraday said. “Here was this unnamed sexually transmitted disease staring me in the face, and there was Rihanna in my head repeatedly asking, “What’s my name?'”

“She’s from Barbados. I mean, the Eastern Caribbean isn’t exactly known for protected sex.”

Farraday said that while there are lots of other artists on his iPod who could legitimately become synonymous with an infectious disease, Rihanna seemed like the perfect candidate.

“At first glance, Lady Gaga or Ke$ha seem like good STD names, but Gaga’s a gay rights activist, which means she’d insist on a condom,” Farraday explained. “And just look at Ke$ha. Who’s going to fuck that?

“Rihanna, though,” Farraday continued, “seems really freaky and could catch all sorts of VDs. Plus, she’s from Barbados. I mean, the Eastern Caribbean isn’t exactly known for protected sex.”

While scientists aren’t sure where or how it originated, the Rihanna Virus is apparently transmitted via unprotected sex and can cause pain and swelling comparable to that experienced during a relationship with R&B singer Chris Brown.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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