Sheriff Sid Gautreaux demonstrates what gay men should do instead of having consensual sex.

Lacking Bite, Sheriff Sid’s Sodomy Sex Stings Are Just a Pain in the Ass

From The Publisher

After reading Jim Mustian’s article in The Advocate this weekend about the dozen men arrested by East Baton Rouge Parish sheriff’s deputies since 2011 under an invalid sodomy law, I must say I was so glad to learn Sheriff Sid Gautreaux’s office spent valuable law enforcement resources to keep me and my family safe from adults having consensual sex in private residences.

Sheriff Sid Gautreaux demonstrates what gay men should do instead of having consensual sex.
Sheriff Sid Gautreaux demonstrates what gay men should do instead of having consensual sex.

I mean, I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights I spent knowing that somewhere in my community, there were consenting adult men getting it on with other consenting adult men, while I wasn’t.

Wait, what? Nevermind.

In all sincerity, this whole story, including Gautreaux’s subsequent apology, smells like a giant jar of man ass.

First of all, the men were arrested by undercover cops who posed as horny guys cruising for gay sex at local public parks and regularly denied being cops when asked. The conversations – which never mentioned an exchange of money for sex – were electronically monitored by a nearby backup team.

Sounds like the cops were engaging in legal masturbation. In public. In front of little kids. That’s sick.

That’s right. A backup team to keep two consenting, non-prostitute adults from having sex. Somewhere in 70805, a gang member is laughing his dick off.

After following the deputies back to “their place” under the auspices of having sex, the men were arrested and charged with an attempted crime against nature, even though the charges were based on a part of a Louisiana law that was struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court a decade ago.

So Sheriff Sid Gautreaux’s deputies were roaming BREC parks enforcing an unenforceable law. Sounds like the cops were engaging in legal masturbation. In public. In front of little kids. That’s sick.

They were essentially entrapping people and booking them into jail under a law that was struck down by the highest court in the land in 2003. I’d say it’d be like a cop pulling a guy’s pants down and then charging him with publicly exposing himself, but there’s actually a valid law prohibiting exposing oneself in public.

The first two paragraphs of Mustian’s article made me wonder if Gautreaux’s office was taking cues on running a sex sting operation from South Park’s Sgt. Yates:

 

Of course, Gautreaux eventually came out of the closet and apologized for the string of stings and for jailing at least a dozen citizens who were simply trying to do what the Supreme Court deemed perfectly legal ten years ago.

Gautreaux said it wasn’t his office’s intent to target gay men. However, the timing of his apology belies its sincerity.

The initial outcry by advocates for civil rights and the LGBT community over the arrests came the week prior to article even being published. Yet, in that same article, Gautreaux’s spokesperson Casey Rayborn Hicks vehemently defended the stings and “denied that investigators had been misapplying the anti-sodomy law.”

Hicks told the Advocate, “This is a law that is currently on the Louisiana books, and the sheriff is charged with enforcing the laws passed by our Louisiana Legislature,” adding, “Whether the law is valid is something for the courts to determine, but the sheriff will enforce the laws that are enacted.”

I feel bad for mentioning Hicks, namely because she’s a friend. That and she evidently has the shittiest job on earth, because the day after those rather defiant comments defending the arrests were published, her boss issued an apology for them.

His office basically told them, “Suck it. And then we’ll arrest you for sucking it.”

Of course, Gautreaux’s mea culpa didn’t come until after people went apeshit over the article. It took national attention and widespread criticism of his use of departmental resources for the sheriff to say he was sorry.

But when it was just some gays and lesbians and a couple of ACLU lawyers bitching the week before, his office basically told them, “Suck it. And then we’ll arrest you for sucking it.”

Sid-Gautreaux-confusedSo what was Gautreaux’s excuse for chronically arresting men for the same, legally invalid reason if it wasn’t to target, harass, and embarrass them? He said they didn’t know better. He blamed it on the fact that the law is still on the books and that it’s hard to keep up with which ones are still enforceable and which ones have been shot down by the courts.

So the person entrusted with enforcing the law in East Baton Rouge Parish either didn’t know his deputies were wasting valuable resources trying to enforce an unenforceable law, or he himself did not know that the law was invalid.

If ignorance of the law excuses no man, why should ignorance of invalidated law excuse Sheriff Gautreaux, especially considering District Attorney Hillar Moore’s office has consistently refused to prosecute each and every one of the cases in question?

You’d think after about the third or fourth time, somebody either at the DA’s Office or Sheriff’s Office would finally start to wonder, “Hey, why are we spending all this money on police overtime, surveillance equipment, and an apartment posing as a gay fuck pad to arrest people who never even get prosecuted?”

I think I hear gangsters in 70807 laughing their dicks off now, too.

Sadly, some of the “confusion” over the law’s validity seemingly stems from the fact that at least a few members of the local judiciary either don’t know or don’t care that the law was deemed unconstitutional.

Hicks told The Advocate that the deputies involved with the arrests swore affidavits of probable cause that were “presented to a judge for review to set a bond.” She said when bond was set, “In effect, the judge concurred that there was probable cause for an arrest.”

Oh, that’s nice. Hey, that reminds me, what do you call someone who finished in the bottom third of his law school class? “Your honor.”

How many wives and girlfriends did Gautreaux’s office arrest on Steak and BJ Day? Hmm? That’s what I thought.

So we have all this “confusion” ten years later, even though then-state Attorney General Richard Ieyoub issued a statement that the portion of the Louisiana’s anti-sodomy law in question here would be unenforceable.

Apparently, the judges and the sheriff never got the memo. I guess then-EBR Sheriff Elmer Litchfield forgot to write it down in the Big Book of Shit That’s Not Enforceable.

To help ensure that his deputies don’t go out and do the same again, “Gautreaux said he would push to have the unenforceable portions of the law removed from the state’s criminal statutes.” Yes, because getting our über-conservative legislature to do anything – especially repealing anti-gay laws – is much easier than telling his deputies to knock that shit off.

I’m sorry, but I’m not buying that bullshit that they were just out there enforcing what the law says. The portion of the sodomy statute that they used to arrest those men prohibits all sorts of sexual practices, including oral sex between heterosexual partners. How many wives and girlfriends did Gautreaux’s office arrest on Steak and BJ Day? Hmm? That’s what I thought.

Moreover, there are tons of laws still on the books around this country that have been ruled unconstitutional but have yet to be repealed from the respective states’ criminal codes. It can take decades for state lawmakers to finally get around to doing so, if at all.

Hell, it took the Louisiana Legislature over 50 years after the 1953 Brown vs. Board of Education ruling to finally repeal the last vestiges of Jim Crow laws in this state. Good thing Gautreaux wasn’t sheriff before 2004 or he might have closed down an integrated school.

Georgia O'Keeffe's flowers are guaranteed to kill even the stiffest gay boner.
Georgia O’Keeffe’s flowers are guaranteed to kill even the stiffest gay boner.

The fact remains that even if the law was not unconstitutional, when you consider there’s a giant billboard on I-12 in Livingston Parish proclaiming Baton Rouge has a higher murder rate than Chicago, these sting operations would still be seen by many as a complete misuse of limited law enforcement resources.

Look, I understand places like BREC’s Manchac Park are popular meeting spots for gay men to cruise for anonymous sex, and subsequently, families don’t want to bring their kids there. I totally get that.

But there are lots of completely legal and much cheaper ways to deter gay men from hanging out and flirting at parks. For instance, BREC could display a bunch of giant Georgia O’Keeffe prints around the place. Trust me, the notorious imagery of an O’Keeffe flower portrait is like a scarecrow for gays – a “scaregay,” if you will.

Meanwhile, if the sheriff and his boys really have their hearts set on wasting time and taxpayer money enforcing ridiculous laws, why not at least enforce ones that haven’t yet been declared unconstitutional?

For instance, Louisiana Statute RS 4:81 makes it illegal for spectators to direct “insulting or abusive remarks” toward participants at a boxing match. This means when there’s another boxing match at the RiverCenter, the boys in green can legally arrest, like – I don’t know – 100% of the crowd, because fighters can take a punch, but they can’t take an insult.

According to MorrisBart.com, it’s illegal to gargle in public places. Unless the gargling involves balls, I’m not sure why that would be a problem.

Louisiana law also prohibits rituals – which includes performances and practices – involving the ingestion of blood, urine, or fecal matter (RS 14:107.1). Well, now you know why Bear Grylls never comes here.

So remember, the next time someone tells you to “eat shit and die,” be careful. It might be an undercover EBR sheriff’s deputy looking to arrest you.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Jeremy White

Jeremy White
Jeremy White is an engineer by education, but a smartass by birth. He managed to overcome the obstacles presented by his technical background, and has brilliantly devised a way to make a living making fun of people.

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