Jindal Calls Special Session to Replace All Taxes With Kickstarter Drive

Gov. Bobby Jindal has issued a proclamation for a 21-day special legislative session aimed at repealing all of the state’s current taxes and supplanting them with a faddish Kickstarter campaign.

In a statement released yesterday, Jindal enumerated the special session’s bizarre, narrow agenda, which calls for the entire state budget to be solely funded by donations interminably solicited on the internet.

“This is a great day for Louisiana!” the governor’s statement read. “Our great state is going to lead the way into the future and show the rest of the country that taxes are totally obsolete in this age of web-based crowdsourcing.”

Jindal likely learned about the increasing popularity of Kickstarter from his notoriously young, allegedly hip staff.

Jindal’s announcement came just days after the conclusion of the less-than-spectacular regular legislative session, which began with the governor declaring he was aborting his much-ballyhooed plan to swap the state’s income and corporate taxes for a higher, broader sales tax.

Political commentator John Maginnis speculates that Jindal got the idea to replace Louisiana’s billions of dollars of tax revenue with the legendary generosity of internet users after learning about wealthy celebrities recently raising millions for crappy creative projects through the popular crowdfunding website Kickstarter.com.

“If Scrubs star Zach Braff could raise $3.1 million on Kickstarter for another Garden State movie, and Matchbox 20’s Rob Thomas could get $5.7 million for a Veronica Mars film, I’m sure Bobby Jindal thinks he can raise enough to run Louisiana til he runs for president,” Maginnis said.

However, Maginnis noted that Jindal may be in for a rude awakening.

“While Jindal has shown an extraordinary acumen for separating people from millions of their dollars for fellow Republicans,” Maginnis explained, “he may find it much more difficult to convince people on the web to donate sufficient funds to cover Louisiana’s Medicaid obligations, higher education, and Steven Moret’s salary.”

Maginnis added that Jindal likely learned about the increasing popularity of Kickstarter from his notoriously young, allegedly hip staff. He also theorized that Jindal figures his revolutionary scheme may be the perfect way for the possible presidential candidate to endear himself to anti-tax champion and GOP kingmaker Grover Norquist.

“What better way to kiss the ring – among other things – of the author of the infamous no-tax pledge than annihilating taxes altogether?” Maginnis queried.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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