Guest Column: “Pulling Out’s the Best Way to Not Have Unwanted Kids” – Bodi White, Pulling Out Proponent

Off the WireBodi_WhiteA lot of folks out there are saying all sorts of stuff about me because I’m trying to help the southeast part of East Baton Rouge Parish break away from the rest of the school system and form its own district.

Well, I’m sorry if I upset some people, but I firmly believe that pulling out’s the best way to not have unwanted kids, especially if they’re totally jacking up your child’s education.

It also goes for just about anything. Whether it’s your school system, your neighborhood, or your family, the most effective way to keep undesirable or undesired children from affecting you and your family is to pull out.

It’s crazy how much pulling out can eliminate the need to deal with unwelcome little sh-ts!

Seriously, if you don’t want a bunch of pains in the ass running around making your life a nightmare, pull out.

It’s like if you’re trying to have a nice meal at a restaurant when a family with a bunch of unruly, screaming kids sits next to your table. Do you just sit there while they ruin your evening? Well, you’re a fool if you do, because when that happens to me, I pull out. I either pull out into a quieter section or pull out of the restaurant altogether.

localschoolsOr what about if you don’t like your kids playing with the other kids in your neighborhood? If you’re like me and my constituents, you pull out and move to another neighborhood, perhaps one with some gates in the front.

It’s crazy how much pulling out can eliminate the need to deal with unwelcome little sh-ts!

Suppose you’re hosting a birthday party with a bunch of 7-year-olds who won’t go home so you can clean up in time for the LSU game. What do you do? You guessed it: Pull out … literally.

Pull out the plug on that shindig. They might be young, but once that bouncy castle deflates on top of them because you unplugged the blower, they’ll catch on that it’s time to go the hell on home.

Of course, it goes without saying that pulling out is also far and away the best means for not having unwanted kids in the first place. I know my buddy Woody Jenkins is a huge fan of abstinence-only education, but let’s be honest: Trying to keep teens from having sex is like trying to keep puppies from licking themselves.

And don’t get me started on condoms. Sure, they work, but good luck getting kids or anyone else to wear them. Most people have sex to enjoy it. Making love while wearing a condom is like a blind man trying to read Braille while wearing mittens.

But pulling out, on the other hand, is actually kind of fun. Hell, people do it even when they aren’t trying to avoid having unwanted kids. Why do you think they do it in porn all the time? Now that’s the kind of “white flight” I can get into!RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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