Welcome to the Elite 8, where each of the two news side pairings offer a WAFB-vs.-WBRZ matchup, and three of the four remaining booze contestants are whiskeys. See for yourself in the bracket below.
The round of eight was set last night after a complete and utter demolition of the competition by Channel 2’s 2une In anchorwoman and “Saint Peat” (still trademarked).
No. 2 seed Whitney Vann had no mercy on tenth-seeded Matt Williams en route to a 80%-to-20% victory over the WAFB morning show anchorman. Likewise, second-seeded wine never had a chance against No. 7 scotch, ultimately getting routed 84.7% to an embarrassing 15.3%.
Our first set of Elite 8 matchups include a spirit from the Great White North, a drink some teens reportedly imbibe via tampons, a good reason to wake up early, and a guy who’s sometimes mistaken for an Iron Chef.
NEWS: Lauren Westbrook (8) vs. Chris Nakamoto (12)
While one 9News This Morning anchor was eliminated yesterday, the other, fairer morning show anchor is vying for a bid in the Final Four. Eighth seed Lauren Westbrook got here by barely beating WBRZ’s Michael Marsh in the opening round, and utterly smashing WAFB coworker Jim Shannon in the last round.
Her opponent Chris Nakamoto’s resumé includes victories over WAFB’s Andre Moreau and fellow WBRZ newscaster Sylvia Weatherspoon. It also includes a classic news story he covered years ago about a Baton Rouge man who was caught red- … um … handed (???) having sex with a dog. We can’t mention that enough.
We also can’t mention enough that you decide who advances to the Final Four!
BOOZE: Canadian Whiskey (9) vs. Vodka (5)
Upstart Canadian whiskey has seemingly cruised its way into the Elite 8, with convincing victories by the ninth seed over old-school favorite gin and No. 1 seed beer. You know it’s got some serious swagger after getting over 73% of the vote against the third most popular drink (after water and tea) on the entire freaking planet!
But today it ought to face stiff competition from No. 5 seed vodka, a spirit that can apparently both be mixed with anything and made to taste like anything. The “Russian Standard” got here after tough battles against sake and tequila.
Both are quite popular, but only one will move on. Find out which one, tonight at 10. (Hey, that sounds like a news line!)
Ready. Set. VOTE! (Polls close nightly at 10 p.m. CDT.)
FYI: If you’re trying to make sense of this experimental info-alcohol competition, here’s an explanation. You can also find all March Madness results/other March Madness posts by using our handy “MARCH MADNESS: News vs. Booze” tag.