MARCH MADNESS: News vs. Booze – Day 8

News-Booze-vann-tyanawilliams-wine-maltliquorIn yesterday’s action, No. 10 seed and 9News This Morning anchorman Matt Williams soundly defeated – nay, trounced – fellow WAFB employee Cheryl Mercedes 87.6% to 12.4%, thanks in large part to a late surge in voting. When asked on our Facebook page why she was losing so badly, the seventh-seeded Mercedes tried to explain away her defeat by commenting, “Probably because I spent the day pushing a lead story rather than bracket votes! (winky face)”

Pah! Whatever (winky face).

The booze matchup, on the other hand, was much more closely contested, with tenth-seeded rum going down in defeat to No. 7 scotch 56.4% to 43.6%.

First-round action concludes with a pair of matchups involving this year’s Queen of Spanish Town, a VCU Ram, Jesus Juice, and a libation that’ll wreck you 40 ounces at a time.

NEWS: Whitney Vann (2) vs. Tyana Williams (15)

News-Booze-Bracket-Day7-350pxOur No. 2 seed from the news half of the bracket hails from Glasgow, KY, and is the reigning Spanish Town Mardi Gras Queen. Whitney Vann can be seen anchoring WBRZ’s 2une In on weekday mornings. She’s also involved with too many local community organizations to list. In fact, we’re not sure where Whitney finds the energy to do all those great things, stay in great shape, AND be so goddam perky at 5 a.m.!

Whitney is going against fifteenth-seeded Tyana Williams of WAFB. The Virginia native is a graduate of Virginia Commonwealth University and serves as a reporter and anchorwoman for 9News This Morning Sunday. Before coming to WAFB in 2007, Tyana worked for a station right up I-49 in Alexandria, which is a great way to fool oneself into thinking Baton Rouge is a great place live.

BOOZE: Wine (2) vs. Malt Liquor (15)

The No. 2 seed from the booze category is the ubiquitous and ancient libation known as wine. Dating as far back as 6,000 B.C., wine is made from fermented grapes or other fruit and is regularly consumed by countless people from myriad cultures. It’s an integral part of Judeo-Christian religious traditions, like the Kiddush and the Eucharist. Plus, the Bible doesn’t say Jesus turned water into gin.

Wine is going up against beer’s cheaper – yet more buzz-inducing – cousin, fifteenth-seeded malt liquor. While malt liquor could have been lumped in with No. 1 seed beer, we felt it deserved its own entry into the tournament for a few reasons. First, it’s legally not classified as beer since it has a relatively high alcohol content. Second, it’s typically made with different, less expensive ingredients. And third, malt liquor has specific cultural ties here in America, to the point that its typical consumer is often stereotyped.

While the first widely successful malt liquor brand in this country, Country Club, was marketed to middle-class white Americans, a study by the Charles R. Drew University of Medicine and Science found that malt liquor is the alcohol of choice among the homeless and unemployed. We’re not sure if they have an internet connection to vote, but we’ll find out soon enough!

Ready. Set. VOTE! (Polls close nightly at 10 p.m. CDT.)


FYI: If you’re trying to make sense of this experimental info-alcohol competition, here’s an explanation. You can also find all March Madness results/other March Madness posts by using our handy “MARCH MADNESS: News vs. Booze” tag.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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