MARCH MADNESS: News vs. Booze – Day 3

News-Booze-moreau-nakamoto-vodka-sakeDay 2 of our info-alcohol tournament was nothing less than exhilarating!

Eighth-seeded Lauren Westbrook broke out of the gate to an all but insurmountable lead, holding over 80% of the vote for most of the day. However, No. 9 seed Michael Marsh’s fans not only closed the gap, but actually put him in the lead with 65% in the early evening. Ultimately, though, Lauren surged down the stretch, ending up with 57.6% of the 1,362 total votes cast on the news side of the bracket. She moves on to face fellow WAFBite Jim Shannon in Round 2.

While the booze battle didn’t see nearly as many votes cast (203), No. 8 seed gin held a tight lead over ninth-seeded Canadian whiskey for much of the contest. By late afternoon, though, the spirit of the Canucks took a commanding lead and never looked back, eventually winning convincingly over gin, 71.2% to 28.2%.

On our third day of action, we offer a pair of matchups featuring the local district attorney’s baby brother, a young and seemingly fearless reporter from New Orleans, Russian water, and a spirit from the Land of the Rising Sun.

NEWS: Andre Moreau (5) vs. Chris Nakamoto (12)


No. 5 seeded Andre Moreau was originally WAFB’s evening sports anchorman back in videotape’s heyday back in the late ’80s and early ’90s. After stints in cities such as Detroit, Los Angeles, and San Diego, DA Doug Moreau’s youngest sibling returned home to Baton Rouge in 2008. (God only knows why anyone would do that.) The intensely handsome and fit Moreau currently co-anchors WAFB”s nightly 6 and 10 p.m. newscasts.

Our twelfth-seeded newscaster may be the most recognizable man with a Japanese last name on WBRZ since Pat Morita was on Happy Days. WBRZ reporter and weekend anchor Chris Nakamoto recently channeled his inner Geraldo by boldly and firmly questioning Port Allen Mayor Deedy Slaughter during a City Council meeting even after a security officer threatened to throw him out of chambers. Many of us here in the capital city (and on the internet), however, were first introduced to the Loyola graduate after he filed an in-depth report on a Baton Rouge man who had been caught red-rocket – er, red-handed – having sex with a dog. Ah, memories.

BOOZE: Vodka (5) vs. Sake (12)

One of the most popular spirits in America today, fifth-seeded vodka was virtually unknown in the U.S. before the 1940s … just like the female orgasm. And since it can be distilled from a variety of substances, such as grains, potatoes, or fruits, there’s no one set way to produce vodka … just like the female orgasm. Literally interpreted as “little water” from the Slavic languages, vodka is traditionally imbibed neat in the “vodka belt” (i.e., Eastern Europe), while here in the States, it’s often chilled, mixed, and comes in innumerable, delectable flavors … just like the female orgasm.

Often referred to as rice wine, No. 12 sake is actually brewed more like beer rather than being fermented like wine, but who cares how it’s made when you’re getting sloppy-ass drunk with a knife-spinning, fireball-igniting hibachi chef? Sake as we know it dates back about 1,500 years, and drinking it plays a huge part in Japanese ceremonies, including ones conducted just before Kamikaze pilots took off in World War II.

By the way, we did not intentionally give sake and Nakamoto the same seeding. That was purely a happy coincidence.

Ready. Set. VOTE! (Polls close nightly at 10 p.m. CDT.)


FYI: If you’re trying to make sense of this experimental info-alcohol competition, here’s an explanation. You can also find all March Madness results/other March Madness posts by using our handy “MARCH MADNESS: News vs. Booze” tag.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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