Guest Column: “After I Slurp Down This Swamp Toilet Water, I’m Coming for Your Ass!” – Bayou Corne Sinkhole

Off the Wire

Make all the Bayou Corne-holing jokes while you can, faggot. Go ahead. Laugh it up! What could be funnier than watching me digest your precious marshy real estate?

Assumption Sinkhole croppedIs that funny? You like watching me eat dead animals and trash bags of crawfish heads? That’s f–king hysterical, isn’t it?

Look, bubbles! It’s like the sinkhole just farted!

By the way, I hate to interrupt your nonstop laughter at my hysterical decimation of Assumption Parish, but have you looked at a geological map of south Louisiana lately? Your house is next on the list, you miserable turd.

Get ready, douche bag. I’m going to ass rape you right in front of everybody.

That’s right, asshat. After I slurp down this swamp toilet water, I’m coming for your ass!

Let’s see how funny it is when I swallow your driveway, your lush green lawn, your prized garden of fresh, metrosexual goodness, and every shred of self-respect you’ve scraped together since the third grade.

Get ready, douche bag. I’m going to ass rape you right in front of everybody. Hell, I may even bring over a few friends and raw dog a few of your neighbors. We’ll all be laughing like a bunch of cosmopolitan faggots!

Think the DEQ is a bunch of incompetent circle jerks right now? When I show up, you’ll be blowing foundation repair companies like it’s your job.

So go ahead and make a few jokes, you little bitch. I hope you and your suburban butt-buddies enjoy it. Because when this is over, I’m going to rip the sod right off your little piece of paradise and skull f–k it while you watch.

Have a great f–king day.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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