Lingerie Football League Puts Its Clothes On

In 2009, the Lingerie Football League was conceptualized as an alternative for the steaming dump we know as the Super Bowl halftime show.

lingerie-football-league-thumb-400x330It has teams in several major markets and blah, blah, blah. Nobody gives a sh-t. It was a cool concept and made for some fun living room banter during halftime, but now it wants to go legit.

Let’s talk about the bad ideas that led to this bad decision.

Mitchell S. Mortaza, founder of the LFL, summed up his decision with the following statement:

Well, at least viewers don’t have to sit through bad football waiting for a titty to flop out. They can just not watch.

“This is the next step in the maturation of our now global sport. While the Lingerie Football League name has drawn great media attention allowing us to showcase the sport to millions, we have now reached a crossroad of gaining credibility as a sport or continuing to be viewed as a gimmick. In the coming years we will further establish this sport in the US, Australia, Europe and Asia as the most known form of American football globally. In order to reach the next milestone, we feel the focus has to be the sport and our amazing athletes.”

This guy is friggin’ delusional! You are a gimmick, and a damn good one. The lingerie didn’t just draw attention to women’s football; it was the only reason women’s football got attention.

Look, I’m all for women playing any sport that a man does. They are just as competitive and sometimes more so. I’m only poo-pooing this decision from a business standpoint, and that standpoint says there is no way that women’s clothed football is a moneymaker. Even in lingerie, it only worked in very small doses. Lingerie that doesn’t end in penetray-tray can only be a gimmick.

Make no mistake: The more competitive and legit this league gets, the less hot and more manly the women will get. I mean, do you want Gisele protecting your blind side, or Chyna from the WWF? If you ask Tom Brady that very question, he will turn his beautiful eyes (not gay) and look to the east in silence because he knows the truth.

Well, at least viewers don’t have to sit through bad football waiting for a titty to flop out. They can just not watch.

Los Angeles Temptation v Las Vegas SinThe only thing, other than the squirrel covers, that I will miss is the commentating. Those drunks tried to act like “exploding through the gaping hole” and “exploiting the gap” was just football terminology, but we got the joke.

It was much better than listening to Joe Buck ogle over Troy Aikman for three hours. Those two are so gay for each other. I can just picture Joe gazing out of his kitchen window on a game day Sunday morning, drinking coffee in a nightgown-sized Aikman jersey. He giggles as Troy yells from the back, “Where’s my little chin dimple?”


Once again, I have no problem with women’s competitive football. I just have issues with the delusion that it’s a good business idea.

Jamie Weinstein, of the Daily Caller, said it best when he was asked what he thought was next for the LFL. He said he thought the league would “go the way of not existing anymore.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

About Michael Atkinson

Michael is an angry little white man, shat into the world by a sarcastic God. He collects gas, debt, and disgusting animals.

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