Mike Graham Un-Retires, Challenges Pat Shingleton to Steel Cage Match

WAFB’s Chief Meteorologist Emeritus Mike Graham announced he’s coming out of retirement and dared WBRZ Chief Forecaster Pat Shingleton to a no-holds-barred, steel cage wrestling match.

The former weatherman said he’s had enough of what he sees as Shingleton’s lees-than-professional on-air antics, and insisted his longtime rival deserves to be humbled.

“That wormy hack isn’t even a real meteorologist!” Graham said. “I’ll show him what a REAL weatherman can do … IN A STEEL CAGE! No rules. No referee. Just me, him, and his dumbass wig!”

Graham said he has no preference regarding the date, the time, or the venue of the match.

“I beat him in the ratings, and I’ll beat him in the STEEL CAGE!!!  I’m gonna take that stupid toupee off his head and FEED IT DOWN THAT OVERSIZED MOUTH OF HIS…”

“I’ll meet that rug-wearing, coat-gathering, meteorological buffoon anytime, ANYWHERE!” Graham stated. “YOU HEAR ME, SHINGLETON?!? YOU PHONY FORECASTER! YOU’RE AS FAKE AS THE HAIR ON YOUR HEAD!!! YOU’RE NOTHING MORE THAN A GLORIFIED LOCAL GAME SHOW HOST!!!!!!”

While Graham may be in his 70s, he claimed he’s more than ready to take on the younger Shingleton.

“I beat him in the ratings, and I’ll beat him in the STEEL CAGE!!! I’m gonna take that stupid toupee off his head and FEED IT DOWN THAT OVERSIZED MOUTH OF HIS SO THAT I NEVER HAVE TO SEE THAT SH-T-EATING IRISH GRIN ON HIS CARTOONISH FACE EVER AGAIN!!!”

Graham continued, “That’s right, Shingleton. You name the day. You name the time. You name the place. It won’t matter, son. The forecast remains the same: PAIN!!! … STRAIGHT AHEEEEEEAD!!!”

About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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