The Red Shtick College Football Rankings: Week X

As the Crimson Tide prepare for their biennial trip to Baton Rouge, gamblers prepare to lay down beaucoup d’argent on Bama -∞. This Tiger fan isn’t getting his hopes up, and he hopes that you aren’t, either.

It’s times like these when I remember that every LSU player is younger than any woman whose snatch I should be chasing, so all old farts, thirty-somethings, and late-twenty-somethings are best served without an emotional connection to this game and with the hopes that some LSU players realize that a good ass-whippin’ is a rite of passage into character development and humility.

This writer apologizes for the team currently in the No. 1 spot, but don’t blame him, hibernophobes. Nay, blame the Pacific-12 officials who handed the Fighting Irish a win over the Cardinal a few weeks ago.

This week’s Red Shtick College Football Rankings are listed below. All signs point to Alabama playing either Notre Dame, Kansas State, or Oregon in the BCS Championship Game. Notre Dame holds the No. 1 ranking by a slim margin, but it plays a struggling Pitt team Saturday and easily could be passed by Kansas State (vs. Oklahoma State) and/or Alabama (at LSU) even with a win. What is certain is that if Alabama wins out, it will be a clear No. 1.

This writer apologizes for the team currently in the No. 1 spot, but don’t blame him, hibernophobes. Nay, blame the Pacific-12 officials who handed the Fighting Irish a win over the Cardinal a few weeks ago.

Note: The Red Shtick College Football Ratings are now known as The Red Shtick College Football Rankings. A rating, as it pertains to our computer rating/ranking system, is the solution of an algorithm. A ranking is the relationship between a team and all other teams. We here at Balls have received tens of thousands of letters suggesting that we make this literal change, and we now relent.  

The Red Shtick College Football Rankings: Week X

For the first time in what seems to be decades – because it’s actually been decades – the Fighting Irish are a legitimate contender.

Conference Rankings

  1. Southeastern
  2. Big 12
  3. Big Ten
  4. Pacific-12
  5. Atlantic Coast
  6. Big East
  7. Mid-American
  8. Sun Belt
  9. Western Athletic
  10. Mountain West
  11. USA

If my system alone were used to determine the BCS bowl lineups – which would be better than finding out that it’s not your baby – here’s how the bowls would line up with today’s standings:

  • BCS Championship Game:  Notre Dame vs. Kansas State
  • Rose Bowl: Oregon vs. Nebraska
  • Fiesta Bowl: Florida vs. Clemson
  • Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs. Oregon State
  • Orange Bowl: Florida State vs. Louisville

Of course, it won’t shake out that way. Here’s how Balls figures the BCS will turn out:

  • BCS Championship Game:  Alabama vs. Notre Dame
  • Rose Bowl: Oregon vs. Nebraska
  • Fiesta Bowl: Kansas State vs. Stanford
  • Sugar Bowl: Florida vs. Oklahoma
  • Orange Bowl: Florida State vs. Louisville
  1. Notre Dame
  2. Kansas State
  3. Alabama
  4. Oregon
  5. Ohio State (ineligible)
  6. Florida
  7. Georgia
  8. Louisville
  9. Louisiana State
  10. Oregon State
  11. Florida State
  12. Clemson
  13. Boise State
  14. Mississippi State
  15. South Carolina
  16. Nebraska
  17. Texas Tech
  18. Rutgers
  19. Texas A&M
  20. Tulsa
  21. Kent State
  22. Oklahoma
  23. Northwestern
  24. Northern Illinois
  25. West Virginia
  26. Texas
  27. Louisiana Tech
  28. UCLA
  29. San José State
  30. Arizona
  31. Oklahoma State
  32. Iowa State
  33. Fresno State
  34. Stanford
  35. Southern California
  36. Ohio
  37. Western Kentucky
  38. Michigan
  39. Toledo
  40. Penn State
  41. Cincinnati
  42. Utah State
  43. Louisiana-Monroe
  44. Navy
  45. Michigan State
  46. Wisconsin
  47. Central Florida
  48. Ball State
  49. North Carolina
  50. Washington
  51. Duke
  52. Mississippi
  53. North Carolina State
  54. Brigham Young
  55. San Diego State
  56. Arkansas State
  57. Arizona State
  58. Texas Christian
  59. Miami (Florida)
  60. Bowling Green
  61. Missouri
  62. Minnesota
  63. Iowa
  64. Air Force
  65. Nevada
  66. Vanderbilt
  67. Indiana
  68. Virginia Tech
  69. Central Michigan
  70. New Mexico
  71. Miami (Ohio)
  72. East Carolina
  73. Wake Forest
  74. Houston
  75. Tennessee
  76. Louisiana-Lafayette
  77. Baylor
  78. Troy
  79. South Florida
  80. Purdue
  81. Utah
  82. Maryland
  83. Southern Methodist
  84. Arkansas
  85. Texas State
  86. Temple
  87. Connecticut
  88. North Texas
  89. Syracuse
  90. Texas-San Antonio
  91. Middle Tennessee State
  92. California
  93. Marshall
  94. Rice
  95. Georgia Tech
  96. Kentucky
  97. Western Michigan
  98. Tulane
  99. Auburn
  100. Texas-El Paso
  101. Florida Atlantic
  102. Illinois
  103. Boston College
  104. Virginia
  105. South Alabama
  106. Washington State
  107. Florida International
  108. Pittsburgh
  109. Kansas
  110. Buffalo
  111. Southern Mississippi
  112. Alabama-Birmingham
  113. Akron
  114. Colorado State
  115. Hawaii
  116. Massachusetts
  117. New Mexico State
  118. Nevada-Las Vegas
  119. Wyoming
  120. Colorado
  121. Eastern Michigan
  122. Army
  123. Memphis
  124. Idaho

About Adam Wilson

Adam Wilson was the original columnist for Balls, Pucks, and Cups. He returned after a five-year contract dispute with The Red Shtick management.

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