Locked in a tight race in the remaining days before the election and under increasing pressure to provide specifics for his plan to reduce the national deficit, Mitt Romney announced today that, if elected president, he would outsource the federal government.
“I have people standing in line in New Delhi ready to serve as U.S. senator for $5 a day, U.S. representative for $4 a day and Supreme Court justice for $3.50 a day, all with no benefits,” remarked the obviously pleased Republican candidate. “This will amount to billions of dollars in taxpayer savings over the next four years, not to mention the savings to major corporations when PAC contributions become completely useless in influencing congressmen, who will be located in undisclosed locations around the globe.”
“Now we’re seeing how his experience in the modern business world will be a definite asset for him as president.”
“However,” the candidate stressed, “all congressmen will be available to their constituents via an 800 number, 24/7. And although they will be of no real help to anyone, they will be friendly, polite, and as comprehensible as anyone who has learned English as a second language. And they will always end your telephone conversation with, “˜Is there anything else that I cannot help you with today?'”
“This is the Mitt Romney that many of us have come to know and love,” remarked one former executive from Romney’s former employer, Bain Capital. “Now we’re seeing how his experience in the modern business world will be a definite asset for him as president.”
While Congress members and Supreme Court justices will be paid at rates below the poverty level under Romney’s plan, the presidential hopeful proposes to increase the annual salary of the president from $400,000 to $250 million.