“Truth Drug” Proposed for Next Debate; Disciplinarian Hired to Moderate

The Commission on Presidential Debates, the nonpartisan group that sponsors and produces the presidential debates before each election, has proposed that both candidates be injected with a truth serum prior to the next debate.

The serum, commonly referred to as “the Pinocchio drug,” indicates when a politician is lying by increasing the blood pressure in the liar’s nasal passages, resulting in a grotesque, elongated, Pinocchio-like nose.

The proposal to use the drug apparently came about as a result of President Barack Obama accusing Mitt Romney of being a “Liar Liar Pants on Fire” after the first debate.

“Who are we to judge which truth is the truest?”

Romney’s campaign spokesman responded that his candidate would not comply with such a request, citing “the untrustworthiness of truth serums.”

“These drugs sometimes interpret inconsistencies in one’s position as lying. Flip-flopping is not lying,” the spokesman said.

“More importantly, there is more than one truth in this presidential campaign. There’s the truth that appealed to the right-wing nutjobs in your party that got you nominated in the first place, and then there’s the truth that will appeal to the moderates who can actually get you elected. Who are we to judge which truth is the truest?”

New debate moderator. Rudeness will not be tolerated.

Also, vowing to keep order during the next debate and prevent Romney from interrupting people, the commission announced that Sister Ruth Ignatia will moderate the next debate.

“Romney claims that he likes teachers. Obviously, he was not educated in the Catholic school system,” one member of the commission chuckled.

 

About Antonio Winnebago

Antonio Winnebago
"When you remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain

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