The Red Shtick College Football Ratings: Week VIII

It was a big weekend. LSU enjoyed a big win in one of the most entertaining games in the country this season. Pac-12 officials figured it was more important for the rest of the country to have another reason to hate Notre Dame than to call a game correctly. Mack Brown became to college football what Vice Admiral James Stockdale was to vice presidential debates.

Behold the debut of The Red Shtick’s official college football ratings. It’s a computer rating system, much like the six nerd-powered systems used in the BCS standings.

“What is the formula?” I hear you make the mistake of asking. It’s simple:

A team’s rating shall be thrice a team’s winning percentage, twice the team’s opponents’ combined winning percentage, and the team’s opponents’ opponents’ winning percentage, the sum of which is to be divided by six and then is to have subtracted from it an amount equal to the team’s number of losses to FCS schools divided by total games played, and is to have added to it, in any and all cases where the team has defeated a team whose sum of thrice its winning percentage, twice its opponents’ combined winning percentage, and its opponents’ opponents’ combined winning percentage is an amount equal to the defeated team’s aforementioned sum minus 0.66666, the difference between the defeated team’s sum and 0.66666.

If you read the above explanation and cannot understand it, don’t worry, because neither do I. I just made it up. There’s no way that a grown man would actually spend that much time devising a formula to rate athletes slightly more than half his age.

The Red Shtick College Football Ratings: Week VIII

Are the Fighting Irish on the inside track, or is their difficult schedule filled with Troubles?

Conference Rankings Big 12 Southeastern Big Ten Pacific-12 Big East Atlantic Coast Sun Belt Mid-American Western Athletic Mountain West USA   If my system alone were the basis of the BCS selections – which would rule – here is the most likely BCS bowl lineup: BCS Championship Game: Notre Dame vs. Florida Rose Bowl: Oregon State vs. Iowa Fiesta Bowl: Kansas State vs. Oregon Sugar Bowl: Alabama vs. Cincinnati Orange Bowl: Maryland vs. Ohio (that’s the Bobcats, not the Buckeyes)

1. Notre Dame
2. Florida
3. Oregon State
4. Alabama
5. Kansas State
6. Ohio State
7. Oregon
8. Texas Tech
9. Cincinnati
10. Oklahoma
11. Rutgers
12. Mississippi State
13. Louisville
14. West Virginia
15. Texas A&M
16. South Carolina
17. Louisiana State
18. Boise State
19. Ohio
20. Iowa State
21. Georgia
22. Western Kentucky
23. Northwestern
24. Southern California
25. Florida State
26. Northern Illinois
27. Louisiana Tech
28. Tulsa
29. Clemson
30. Texas
31. Texas Christian
32. Iowa
33. Arizona State
34. UCLA
35. Nevada
36. Penn State
37. Michigan State
38. Michigan
39. New Mexico
40. Nebraska
41. Wisconsin
42. North Carolina
43. Kent State
44. Louisiana-Lafayette
45. Stanford
46. Central Florida
47. Maryland
48. Utah State
49. North Carolina State
50. Duke
51. Louisiana-Monroe
52. Miami (Florida)
53. Minnesota
54. San José State
55. Baylor
56. Toledo
57. Arizona
58. Ball State
59. Brigham Young
60. Washington
61. Fresno State
62. Mississippi
63. Virginia Tech
64. Temple
65. Oklahoma State
66. Tennessee
67. Navy
68. Central Michigan
69. Missouri
70. Indiana
71. Troy
72. Arkansas State
73. Houston
74. East Carolina
75. Bowling Green
76. Purdue
77. Wake Forest
78. Texas State
79. Texas-San Antonio
80. Arkansas
81. California
82. San Diego State
83. Vanderbilt
84. Connecticut
85. Miami (Ohio)
86. Kentucky
87. South Florida
88. Utah
89. Syracuse
90. Air Force
91. Marshall
92. Western Michigan
93. Auburn
94. North Texas
95. Illinois
96. Rice
97. Virginia
98. Tulane
99. Georgia Tech
100. Washington State
101. Southern Methodist
102. Middle Tennessee State
103. Florida International
104. Alabama-Birmingham
105. Texas-El Paso
106. Southern Mississippi
107. Buffalo
108. Florida Atlantic
109. Kansas
110. Hawaii
111. Boston College
112. South Alabama
113. Massachusetts
114. Akron
115. New Mexico State
116. Pittsburgh
117. Nevada-Las Vegas
118. Idaho
119. Colorado State
120. Army
121. Wyoming
122. Memphis
123. Colorado
124. Eastern Michigan