Your Professional Life Coachâ„¢ is here when you need her most, giving you the tips you need to help you survive Tropical Storm Isaac.
#1. PANIC. The sky literally is falling. Run around screaming. Postulate on what trajectory you think the storm will take. You’re an expert after watching The Weather Channel for two days. Use words like “storm surge” and “cone of uncertainty” so you sound smart.
#2. Speaking of The Weather Channel, please talk incessantly about Jim Cantore. Really, no one’s heard that joke about how if he’s in your neighborhood, you’re screwed. Tell it again.
Line up at gas stations. Fill every container you own with gas. Complain loudly about the long lines.
#3. Go to the store. Now. Buy everything you think you could possibly ever need for the next week. Make sure no one else has bread ever again. Make the checkout lines as long as possible. Complain loudly about the long lines.
#4. Line up at gas stations. Fill every container you own with gas. Complain loudly about the long lines.
#5. By all means, be on the roads. Drive like a jerk. Make sure you move into each intersection when the light turns yellow. Sit there as the other sides get the green light. They won’t be able to get anywhere with you in the middle of the intersection. Make sure no one gets to shelter and we all die on the highways.
#6. To pass the time, talk about all the other storms. Everyone wants to hear your Katrina story, your Gustav story, and your Camille story. Please tell it in every minute detail. We have nothing but time here.
#7. Complain as much as humanly possible. Nothing helps people survive hard times like listening to you piss and moan. Remember, it’s hot, there’s no electricity, and everyone hates you.