That’s What Frienemies Are For

We’ve received several iterations of the same question this week:

“I share an office with/have a bridesmaid/have a neighbor/am on a committee with someone I can’t stand, but I have to play nice and get along with her … don’t I?”

So, you have a frienemy, do you? There have been many famous frienemies throughout human history. Here’s a quick top five:

5. Jesus/Judas
4. Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie
3. Julius Caesar/Brutus
2. Tupac/Notorious B.I.G.
1. Selena/Yolanda Saldivar

Honorable Mention: Han Solo/Lando Calrissian

As you can see, the majority of these frienemy relationships have ended with one party or the other dead. The chances of your frienemy situation ending pleasantly are slim.

[pullquote]The majority of these frienemy relationships have ended with one party or the other dead. The chances of your frienemy situation ending pleasantly are slim.[/pullquote]
You have two choices when dealing with a frienemy: confront the bitch or kill her with kindness. The problem is, when you choose to keep your true distaste for people hidden, it finds a way of boiling over.

That’s what happened to Mrs. Judge Mental. She recently told off an entire group of people with whom she is no longer associated. “I don’t like any of you, don’t care what you think, what you do, and I don’t care what happens to this organization. Let it rot, just leave me out of it.”

She tried to keep it cordial, then just couldn’t. Did she feel better? Sure! Did she look certifiably insane? Absolutely!

I suppose it could have been worse. She could have sold them to the Sanhedrin priests for thirty pieces of silver.

If you do queen out like Mrs. Judge Mental, though, your frienemy will swear that she doesn’t know what you’re talking about; of course she’s happy you’re getting married, loves your new tool shed, is glad you got a raise and a promotion, wants you to get credit for your ideas. You’ll look irrational for insinuating otherwise. You’ll look crazy. Why wouldn’t you like this perfectly normal, nice person who is obviously just trying to help you while subtly undercutting you every chance she gets?

Some frienemy relationships just run their course, though, without any bloodshed at all. Paris and Nicole aren’t really hanging out anymore, but neither of them is dead. Now that Courteney Cox is divorced, I bet she and Jennifer Aniston get along great. And Biggie and Tupac are holograms, hugging in the sky.

If you have more patience than Mrs. Judge Mental, maybe you and your frienemy can spend eternity together. Wouldn’t that just be heaven?

About Mrs. Judge Mental

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Mrs. Judge Mental, Your Professional Life Coachâ„¢, is a noted expert in absolutely nothing. She is, however, ready to solve your problems using only a foot of dental floss, a toothpick, and Wikipedia.

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