HERO HIGHLIGHT: Rep. Todd Akin

It’s rare to see office seekers make truly bold statements during election years. They’re often too scared to speak what’s really on their minds, and instead take calculated stances to garner votes.

But not Republican Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, who’s running for Claire McKaskill’s U.S. Senate seat. He’s the only person in Washington with the guts to tell the countless women who’ve ever claimed they became impregnated by “rapists” that they did not experience “legitimate rape.”

…Akin is an expert on female physiology by default. Namely, he’s a white male Republican.

During a Sunday morning interview on a Fox affiliate in St. Louis, Akin was asked whether abortion should be allowed in the case of rape. Akin’s response was that it was his understanding from doctors that it’s rare for someone to become pregnant from rape. He said, “The female body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down.”

Predictably, Akin was immediately scorned and vilified on the internet, in the mainstream media, and even within his own party, thus proving that while any political hack can speak truth to power, it takes real courage to speak truth to the powerless.

Akin proved he has the leadership this country needs in these troubling times. By legalizing the concept of “legitimate” rape, we would significantly reduce the crime rate instantaneously.

Plus, Akin may be on to something about women’s bodies being able to “shut that whole thing down.” After all, if most women can shut down traffic with just their breasts, why can’t their whole body shut down a pregnancy?

Besides, Akin is an expert on female physiology by default. Namely, he’s a white male Republican. And he’s running for U.S. Senate against a female incumbent, to boot. You can’t get much more qualified to wax scientific on the inner workings of women’s bodies than that.

Rather than crucify him for being insensitive and insist he drop out of the race, perhaps we should ask Akin to unshroud the other myriad mysteries of the female body, like the truth behind cooties, the myth of the female orgasm, and the fact that some vaginas do in fact grow teeth.

And if things by chance to don’t work out for Akin in November, he could always get a job teaching sex education at a publicly funded private school in Louisiana.

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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