Keeping Abreast of Summer Movies

August isn’t known as a big summer month for movies, but a surprisingly large amount of movies that have entered the American consciousness in a very positive way came out in August: The Sixth Sense, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and last year’s Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

This August, heading up the most anticipated films of the month are a remake of a movie that came out 22 years ago, and sequel to a trilogy headed by a totally different actor.

The former, Total Recall, looks to put a shiny new glaze on the Schwarzenegger movie from 1990. The original was heralded as a true step forward in the art of motion picture making, and even won an Academy Award for special achievement in visual effects.

[pullquote]Throw in Bill Nighy, John Cho, and Bokeem Woodbine, a lot of flying cars and explosions, and yes, a three-breasted prostitute, and you’ve got James Brown’s ticket. [/pullquote]

At the time, it was pretty impressive. But given the effects in films since, including T2: Judgment Day, which came out less than a year later, the bar was quickly raised. And raised. And raised. Looking at Total Recall now, it looks like a cheesy, syndicated sci-fi show by one of the lesser studios, three-breasted prostitutes notwithstanding.

I don’t know exactly when it was decided that “this movie needs an update,” but given the look and feel of the trailers I’m seeing for the Colin Farrell remake, it’s easy to see the wheels turning in the producers’ minds. I can imagine director Len Wiseman watching the old version and saying to himself, or maybe his steamy hot wife Kate Beckinsale (who, not coincidentally, also costars in the movie), “That looks fake!” “That looks like it was filmed in a tiny studio!” and “Is that a doll coming out of his stomach? I bet you I could do better with two minutes and 50 cents worth of papier-mâché!”

Yadda yadda yadda “¦ he’s directing a remake. With two of Esquire magazine’s Sexiest Women Alive, nonetheless! It’s not bad enough he’s married to the 2009 winner, but he has to parade around Jessica Biel, the 2005 SWA, as well?!

He’s forcing me to see this movie. That’s the long and short of it. Throw in Bill Nighy, John Cho, and Bokeem Woodbine, a lot of flying cars and explosions, and yes, a three-breasted prostitute, and you’ve got James Brown’s ticket.

The other big August movie is The Bourne Legacy. True, there’s no Matt Damon this time around, but if you take a look at the box office numbers for the last Bourne movie, then you can understand why Universal Pictures would be willing to toss the Bourne hat back into the ring.

It certainly helps that they got the other guy from The Avengers to be in it, especially since he looks like himself the whole time in the Avengers movie. The other guys mostly wear a helmet or a mask, or just look plain different when they’re being their hero selves. Hawkeye always looked like Hawkeye, though, especially when eating shawarma.

Legacy looks pretty good, though. Plus, it’s got other big names besides Jeremy Renner. There’s Rachel Weisz, Edward Norton, and Stacy Keach. I’ll check it out.

Well, that’s the long and short of the moment. I’ll be back in a week or two with some updates on the local movie scene. There are plenty of things afoot in the Red Stick.

I am, and continue to be, James Brown.

About James Brown

James Brown
James Brown is not related, affiliated, or representative to or of the estate of the Godfather of Soul. Any similarity is purely coincidental.

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