What Do You Call a Cross Between a Pot Smoker, a Dog, and a Lion?

I have this friend from California who is kind of famous. Let’s call him “Snoop.”

He’s 40, and he’s sort of going through a transition period. Fine. Let’s call it what it is: He’s having a major midlife crisis. And when you have money, just buying a sportscar, getting a piece on the side, or GETTING YOURSELF BANNED FOR LIFE FROM NORWAY just won’t do.

My pal Mr. Snoop has now brought midlife crises to the next level “” all the way to the land of marijuana, “Hey mon,” and reggae: Jamaica, where he has decided that not only is he now a Rastafarian, but that he is the freaking re-in-fracking-carnation of Bob Marley.

[pullquote]I am all for people finding their peace in life through whichever means they can, but this is sort of comparable to Gene Simmons  converting to Christianity, declaring himself the rebirth of St. Paul the Apostle, and releasing a gospel rap album.[/pullquote]

Bob Marley, of, like, Bob Marley and the Wailers, who is still the only guy you know who sings reggae, besides UB40. Marley, who died of cancer in 1981, is still a much beloved music figure and an ambassador for Jamaica, Rastafarians, and reggae, even in death.

However, overanalytical type that I am, I must do a little math here for my buddy “Snoop.” You’re 40! THIS MEANS YOU WERE ALIVE WHEN BOB MARLEY DIED, SO UNLESS HIS SOUL ATE YOUR SOUL WHEN YOU WERE 9, YOU ARE STILL TECHNICALLY AND SCIENTIFICALLY “SNOOP.”

Adding insult to mathematical injury, Snoop has decided to go just by the name a Rastafarian priest bestowed upon him, which is Snoop Lion. I don’t “¦ even “¦ know. Sigh. He’s also coming out with a documentary on his conversion and will be recording reggae music.

Look, I am all for people finding their peace in life through whichever means they can, but this is sort of comparable to Gene Simmons  converting to Christianity, declaring himself the rebirth of St. Paul the Apostle, and releasing a gospel rap album. Gene Simmons does like money and attention, though, so this idea may not be so far-fetched.

Snoop, if it’s attention you’re seeking, I have three words for you to show you that you got beat to the punch: METTA WORLD PEACE.

Now get out there and show the rest of the world how to have a midlife spiritual awakening properly, the way God intended (with you ca$$$$hing in all the way).

About Stephanie Landry

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Stephanie Landry is a lover, not a fighter, with the exception of some inanimate objects. Sing out to her here, or stand at her window with your boombox blasting your mixtape. Either way.

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