Tech Advice From an Industry Insider

Author’s Note: As someone who has worked in the tech support field for almost 18 years, let me say that there isn’t a week that goes by when I don’t say at least once: “I’ve never seen anything like that.” So don’t feel like you are bothering us; it’s what we do, and lots of times, the real answer is that we are just better at Googling than you are. That being said”¦

The email is spam. It doesn’t matter what you think it is; the email is spam. It’s not from the IRS or the FBI. They wouldn’t email you.

If that were really your iTunes/AT&T/Verizon/Wal-Mart bill for $4,913.69, it wouldn’t have been sent to 600 people. You couldn’t possibly all have the same customer number.

More importantly, if any of those people are emailing you, it isn’t going to be from l33thaxxordood@fanpoop481.com.

Speaking of fanpoop481.com, any website that has a number in it like that is a scam. I don’t care if they have a commercial on TV telling you how you can refinance your house, buy gold, or get a degree; it’s a scam.

If it were legit, there wouldn’t be a different voice dubbed, saying, “Log on now to www.givemeyourmoneychump42.com.” That happens because they stopped paying for the old site that used to end in 41.

I might never know the 18 ways a stick of butter could save my life, but I still have the two minutes I didn’t waste reading it.

Think about it. Is it cocacola.com or cocacola17.com? Real companies pay for the original site.

FYI: When someone forwards you an email about the new XYZ virus, and you forward it to the person in your life who “knows computers,” STOP. We know about it.

We knew about it before Snopes posted that link in the email. We also got that same email forwarded to us from everyone else who considers us the “computer person” in her life.

More importantly, I have a filter set up to send those messages directly to the trash “¦ that’s right, Aunt Peg: directly to the trash. This rule also applies to anything that has “FWD: FWD: FWD: “¦” in the subject line.

Also, if I have to scroll down even once to get through all the names of people it was sent to: trash. Not reading it. I’m sorry, but it isn’t happening. I might never know the 18 ways a stick of butter could save my life, but I still have the two minutes I didn’t waste reading it.

Finally, it’s always a virus. Your hard drive isn’t crashing, your browser isn’t corrupted, there isn’t a system failure, and your identity has been compromised. It’s a virus.

I know, it looks convincing, and all you have to do is click to repair it. That’s how they get you. When you click, that’s when you are F””KED.

If it pops up, reboot. If it pops up again, call us. Call us immediately. The longer you wait, the more we will rant about it to other dorks like us.

P.S.: I’ve also stopped telling people I work in IT. I now tell them I’m a proctologist. Everybody always has friend who needs something or a 10-year-old computer that’s running slow when you say you are a tech. Nobody ever asks for me to just take a quick look when I say I’m a proctologist.

Author’s Second Note: I know you think, when you are reading this, that I’m talking about you specifically, but I’m not. I’m talking about every human being I have ever met/will ever meet.

About Sunny Weathers

Sunny Weathers is not fit to serve in any capacity as a juror or babysitter. And yes, that really is his last name.

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