Reggie Watts is Bobby Jindal from an alternate universe.

The Dullightful Duo

In case you missed it, one local political consultant without his own radio show told another local political consultant with his own radio show “” on said radio show “” that Governor Bobby Jindal has a “one in two” chance of being selected as Mitt Romney’s running mate.

I’m no statistician, but don’t we all have a 50-50 chance of getting selected? Either you get chosen, or you don’t.

I guess I shouldn’t be so dismissive of Roy Fletcher’s prognostication on The Jim Engster Show. Jack Ryan (played by Alec Baldwin) also had a 50-50 shot at picking the correct side to which Captain Marko Ramius (Sean Connery) would turn during his next “Crazy Ivan” maneuver in The Hunt for Red October. And he correctly picked the starboard side, thereby convincing USS Dallas Captain Bart Mancuso (Scott Glenn) to reveal his submarine’s presence and begin a dialog that eventually led to the U.S. covertly gaining possession of the Soviets’ newest and deadliest secret weapon!

Plus, even Captain Ramius gave their mission only a 1-in-3 chance of succeeding, and they pulled it off! So yeah, Bobby Jindal may actually become the next vice president of the United States.

Wait a minute. Jindal on the GOP ticket as VP? Where have I heard that before. Oh yeah, that’s right! 2008.

…the GOP ticket could possibly feature a guy who presumably wears Mormon-sanctioned magic underwear and a running mate who reportedly participated in an exorcism in college.

I’m sorry, Roy, but the headlines from the nationally known political insiders say that Mitt plans on picking “a boring white guy.” Oooh, so close, so close, but not quite a match.

Roy Fletcher’s vocal doppelganger, Nathan Arizona.

By the way, is it just me, or does Roy Fletcher sound remarkably like fictional unpainted furniture magnate Nathan Arizona, of Raising Arizona fame? Of course, you may know him by his given name, Nathan Huffhines. But I digress.

It makes total sense that the Romney campaign would want to pair up with someone who is even more mind-numbingly dull than the former governor of Massachusetts. They hope the contrast can help make Romney seem at least slightly charismatic.

However, despite the fact that Jindal does not fit the strict definition of a boring white guy, he certainly does possess the requisite doorknob-like personality that Romney’s team is presumably looking for in a running mate.

In fact, it’s hard to imagine anyone remotely qualified to be vice president with a more lackluster persona. So maybe Fletcher is on to something here.

Part of me hopes he is in fact on to something here and Romney taps Jindal for VP. Just think about how awesome things would be if he ran with Romney and they won.

First, we’d have Governor Jay Dardenne in Louisiana through 2015. I could certainly live with that.

Secondly, Jindal could finally leave Baton Rouge and the local media he ostensibly disdains so much and devote all his time to doing the two things he seems to love the most: raising millions of dollars for Republicans and talking to the national press.

Reggie Watts is Bobby Jindal from an alternate universe.

Thirdly, Vice President Jindal would prove to be a huge boon for the very talented comedian and musician Reggie Watts. With just a little less hair, Watts could have a second career as THE Bobby Jindal impersonator for at least four years.

Furthermore, it only seems fitting that these two should team up for a run for the White House. One guy follows a religion based on the belief that Jesus Christ rose from the dead and preached the Gospel to the American Indian. The other one is an Indian American.

In any case, a Romney-Jindal ticket would arguably be “” at least in terms of the candidates’ personalities “” the most uninteresting presidential ticket in American history.

Then again, while Romney and Jindal themselves may be the embodiment of blah, their backgrounds are anything but dull and ordinary. After all, the GOP ticket could possibly feature a guy who presumably wears Mormon-sanctioned magic underwear and a running mate who reportedly participated in an exorcism in college. Now there’s something worth getting excited about!

Granted, I know some folks might be dissuaded from voting for a Romney-Jindal ticket by such unorthodox spiritual behavior, but look at Abraham Lincoln. We’re just now learning (thanks to Seth Grahame-Smith and Simon Kinberg) that the Great Emancipator hunted vampires while he was in office! You can’t get much more occultish than that, and he’s considered by many as the greatest president we’ve ever had!

About Jeremy White

Jeremy White
Jeremy White is an engineer by education, but a smartass by birth. He managed to overcome the obstacles presented by his technical background, and has brilliantly devised a way to make a living making fun of people.

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