Shingleton’s Toupee Demands Renegotiated Contract

WBRZ Chief Forecaster Pat Shingleton’s longtime hairpiece is threatening to walk off the job if station management does not agree to sit down at the bargaining table by the end of the month.

Shingleton’s toupee Harry is seeking a restructured long-term agreement with WBRZ, as well as an increase in compensation that it says is more in line with that of other high-profile hairpieces. If a new contract is not penned by the end of the month, the wig said it would stop showing up for work.

WBRZ President Richard Manship said he’s optimistic the station and the prominent postiche can work out a fair and equitable deal for both sides without resorting to exposing Shingleton’s bald head.

“We understand that Harry has been a loyal and vital part of WBRZ for decades,” Manship said. “Even in these economically challenging times, I’m confident we’ll be able to come to an agreement that all the parties involved can live with. I’m sure I speak for everyone in Baton Rouge when I say that no one wants to see Pat without his rug.”

“I think some people sort of take good toupees for granted, and even pretend like we’re not even there.”

Both Manship and Harry declined to divulge specifics about the present compensation agreement. However, unconfirmed reports indicate that the toupee has two years remaining on its current contract, and that it’s partially paid in free drinks at Ivar’s.

The hairpiece said it believes it should receive a new contract and an increase in pay more commensurate with other famous male wigs.

“I just want what’s fair,” Harry said. “I hear what Bill Shatner’s piece is getting and it makes me want to flip out on live TV!”

Harry continued, “I think some people sort of take good toupees for granted, and even pretend like we’re not even there. Trust me, professional rugs like me are damn important to society. Just imagine how many panties would’ve dried up if Ted Danson’s toupee had walked off the set of Cheers.”

While the toupee did admit that it and Shingleton might not be nationally known like Shatner, Danson, or their famous wigs, it insisted that it is an icon within the male hairpiece community.

“I’m a legend in the toupee world,” Shingleton’s hairpiece said. “Where do you think the term ‘asshat’ came from?”

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