Egyptian Lawmakers

According to numerous international media reports, the land famous for preserving the bodies of its dead ancient leaders may soon pass a law that would allow husbands to have sex with the bodies of their deceased wives for up to six hours after death.

The reports say that Egypt’s new Islamist-dominated parliament is preparing to introduce what’s being called the “farewell intercourse” law. Essentially, the bill would give a grieving widower the right to do what any loving husband feels compelled to do immediately after his wife’s passing: try to find solace through sex with her lifeless, yet still warm, corpse.

The topic was apparently publicly broached in May of last year when Moroccan cleric Zamzami Abdul Bari said marriage remains valid even after death. Less than a year later, the internet and various news outlets are abuzz about Egypt taking the bold step of legalizing post-mortem intercourse.

But why would lawmakers limit the window to six hours? Because anything longer would be just plain creepy.

… we are talking about men in the Middle East. Their idea of foreplay is a knife to the throat, or so we’ve heard.

Besides, six hours is plenty of time for a man to say goodbye to his recently deceased wife, whether it takes him one, two, or five rounds of “goodbyes” to do so.

Of course, an Egyptian husband’s sexual experience with his deceased wife would undoubtedly not be the same as when she was alive. If anything, the woman would likely seem to be more into it after she’s dead.

After all, we are talking about men in the Middle East. Their idea of foreplay is a knife to the throat, or so we’ve heard.

That’s why we were honestly surprised to learn that, according to alarabiya.net, Bari also said women have the right to have sex with their dead husbands.

And while the Egyptian proposal doesn’t specifically mention widows would have the same rights as their male counterparts, there’s always the possibility for future legal reforms.

Rigor mortis? More like “Rigor more of this!”

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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