C is the Roman numeral for 100. And today’s article is sponsored by the letter C. Can you say “C,” boys and girls? I know you can.
100 “” for one quarter of the famous film The 400 Blows … which is not a porno.
100 “” for the 100 stars you get when you have two American flags.
100 “” for the perfect score Man On Wire got on the Rotten Tomatoes film site. 100%. Certified Fresh, indeed. (Toy Story 2 also got 100%, but a higher percentage of site users liked the tightrope-walking film over the Pixar flick. Don’t ask me why; facts is facts.)
100 “” for the number of “Reel Dirt” articles I’ve written, this one included. And yes, in case you haven’t heard, I wrote all those earlier ones under the name Jimmy Faux.
I took certain liberties with a lot of that. I exaggerated the number of times I’ve been arrested for stalking celebrities. Exact numbers aren’t important, but let’s just say it’s very unlikely that I’ll ever be within 100 yards of Alyssa Milano. Hey! There’s that number again![pullquote]The modern Star Trek‘s Uhuru herself was hanging out on the screen alongside Spears’ “acting.” How the fallen have become mighty. [/pullquote]
Their Top 100
Well, you can’t talk about 100 and movies without mentioning the AFI Top 100 lists. The American Film Institute has come up with several lists that we should consider when defining film and filmography and filmology and filmitism and such other words that may or may not mean anything.
The only films on their “100 Years “¦ 100 Movies” list that have come out since we started Red Shtick Magazine (and this is, of course, the updated 2007 list) are “¦ um “¦ nothing. I guess I should have checked the list before I started typing that sentence.
Well, like with most things, we need to let things simmer for a while. Was my article last month the greatest I’ve ever written? Probably, but I won’t be able to feel confident in that fact until it’s had a chance to age, to be seasoned by time.
That’s why there are so many old films on the AFI list, you see. Avatar might be the greatest movie ever (it’s not), but no one is going to put it right next to Citizen Kane or Casablanca until it’s at least 20 years old.
Our Top 100
We should have a list of top 100 movies filmed in Louisiana. The AFI, I’m sure, would air that on CBS in prime time. Who could pass up highlighting such quintessential pieces of Americana as The Waterboy? I know it was mainly filmed in Florida, but some of it was filmed here in the Bayou State.
Also, there is The Toy, a 1982 film with Jackie Gleason and Richard Pryor. That one was filmed primarily here in the capital city. I recommend it as a touching story of families coming together and men finding meaning in the world in the most unsuspected fashion. Plus, it’s funny as hell.
And of course, the piÃ¨ce de résistance would have to be the 2002 classic Britney Spears vehicle Crossroads. Not only did it have a “¦ story? “¦ I guess “¦ but it also featured a young Zoe Saldana. Yes, I said Zoe Saldana. The modern Star Trek‘s Uhuru herself was hanging out on the screen alongside Spears’ “acting.” How the fallen have become mighty.
In the opposite direction, you may notice Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding Jr.’s face on the cover of a little film called Ticking Clock, a direct-to-DVD masterpiece that finds our man Cuba roving the halls and landscape of Baton Rouge High just to solve some impervious mystery that won’t make much sense to most viewers. Most, in this case, equaling about seven. Which, by the way, is probably equal to the salary Mr. “Show Me the Money!” got for acting in this “film.” And that’s not in dollars but in South African rand.
My Top 100
What are my favorite 100 films? Well, that list would consist mainly of 23 different versions of The Empire Strikes Back, 17 versions of the original Star Wars, 16 versions of Return of the Jedi, 19 versions of Blade Runner, every movie in which Alyssa Milano got naked, and The Blues Brothers.
Well, folks, that’s it for now. I’ll see you in April, when we look back on all the classic Easter films like Hop and King of Kings. Or maybe we’ll skip all that and do a critique of the Baton Rouge adult film scene. I guess you’ll have to wait until next time to find out. Until then, I’m James Brown “” no relation.