Canyons School District

The sports world has seen more than its share of teams, for various reasons, change their mascots. However, when it comes to being overly sensitive about a school’s team name, the Canyons School District in Draper, UT, takes the proverbial cake “¦ so long as it’s not a coffee cake.

Members of the school district last month rejected a proposal that would have made the Cougar the mascot of Draper’s new high school, slated to open in 2013. Now why would they veto the idea, despite Cougar getting the most votes for school mascot from future students?

You guessed it. They thought it would be offensive to some middle-aged women.

Yep, due to Courteney Cox and Demi Moore raising awareness of the term to the point that it registers on sheltered-Mormon-mom radar, school district members got calls and emails from uptight parents and members of the community opposing the Cougar mascot idea, in part because of “the negative double entendre of the word “˜cougar.'”

[pullquote]It’s not like the students voted to become the Corner Canyon High Cumbuckets, although that’d be kind of fitting, seeing how many of the folks there believe in being fruitful and multiplying.[/pullquote]

Really? They shut down “Cougar” because they thought women might be offended? It’s not like the students voted to become the Corner Canyon High Cumbuckets, although that’d be kind of fitting, seeing how many of the folks there believe in being fruitful and multiplying.

The fact is, not only is the cougar the namesake of one the most popular automobiles in Ford Motor Company’s history, but it also symbolizes many proud sports teams, including the athletic programs at Washington State, the University of Houston, and, um, one more. Let’s see “¦ oh yeah: Brigham F””king Young University!

That’s right! BYU, the school named after the Mormon Moses, has the Cougar as its mascot. But it’s too tawdry for the folks down the road in Draper?

Did they consider emulating Oregon State University and going with the Beaver as a mascot, instead? How could such an industrious creature possibly offend any woman? It’s nature’s epitome of productivity.

Oh well, it turns out that school district members ultimately decided the students at Corner Canyon High School will be known as the Chargers. Hopefully, no one there has an overwhelming amount of credit card debt; otherwise, someone might be offended.

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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