New Words for the New Year

Boshnogger: My little brother made this word up when he was 7 to substitute for curse words. It’s time for boshnogger to spread its wings.

In the early 1990s, a very sh””tty game called “Pogs” was introduced to American culture. Two a””hole children would get together with a bunch of cardboard circles with pictures on them and lust over each other’s treasures. They’d put their pogs in a stack, face down, and prepare for battle. Each player would then take a heavier game piece, called a slammer, and slam it onto the other player’s stack. Any pogs that landed face up now belonged to the “slammer.”

Even as a child, I thought this game was ridiculous. I’m sure Sigmund Freud would say this game was just another way for people to dominate each other and blast each other in the asses.

My little brother received a pog maker for Christmas one year and disappeared into his room for a month. One day, I was looking through a stack of his pogs and stumbled across a picture of a nice, big titty. I continued to thumb through the stack and found a hairy bush, a landing strip, and a Brazilian. I later found out that he was making these porno pogs with his pog maker and selling them to his friends “” capitalism in its most primitive form.

[pullquote]If the only articles of clothing that fit you are made of “sweat” material, stop wearing thongs that “whale tail” out of the back of your elastic.[/pullquote]

Boshnoggers are shady characters, always looking to get an advantage over you. If you lie, steal, or cheat on a regular basis and are not 6 years old, you’re welcome.

Example: “You’re breaking my balls, boshnogger! Fine, I’ll give you a tit and a vag for the green Power Ranger.”

 

Rotundrant: Gross or stupid like a troll.

If hair is exploding out of every opening in your clothes, you are constantly wet, and you mouth breathe garlic face farts, please order your groceries online.

If you think it’s cool to have a bunch of gold teeth, it isn’t. You look like an ass. Pull your “pantses” up and go inside. Where are you walking to at all hours of the night? Go to sleep.

If you catcall at women and refer to them to your friends as “females,” then you should go walk in front of a bus. Any woman who responds to you in a positive way deserves to have your gross baby.

If the only articles of clothing that fit you are made of “sweat” material, stop wearing thongs that “whale tail” out of the back of your elastic. The entire country is trading emails about your trip to the store. I understand that some people have genetic issues, but for most, excuses should be substituted with apple slices.

Nobody becomes a troll without help. Your codependent, enabling parents who never taught you how to respect yourself fall into the boshnogger category above.

Say what you want about stereotypes, but people are genetically engineered to avoid you. You fall out of the realm of acceptable.

Example: “Your rotundrance is going to make me toss my cookies.”

 

Rapeway: A dark hallway, corridor, staircase, street, or alley leading to somewhere else dark, which women and small men should avoid at all costs.

Example: “Excuse me, ma’am? If you’re looking for the post office, it’s just down this rapeway “” eh, I mean, street.”

 

To be continued”¦

About Michael Atkinson

Michael Atkinson
Michael is an angry little white man, shat into the world by a sarcastic God. He collects gas, debt, and disgusting animals.

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